Grand adventures

I’ve recently been asked by a friend to join him in surfing.

Ha ha.

Me.

Surfing.

Or is that so impossible?

My main concern is that I cannot swim to safe my life. I could perhaps float. I once told my former flatmate, who is a swimming coach, that I get embarrassed thinking of how badly I swim that I don’t.

My other main concern is pigmentation. Yep.

If I go out in the sun more, it would just hasten the development of dark spots on my face – as little freckles they may be cute but they would soon disastrously grow and grow and grow and grow and grow and grow and…

In any case, this friend is a surf addict. He also recently told me that on a rainy day he paddled really far out into the sea because the surf was there, and he was paddling because no boat would take him out. I called him crazy but he said he knows what he is doing. And actually, I trust that he does.

To be honest I am curious with what it feels like. Would it be something like hang gliding? I imagine the feeling of immense freedom once again.

Nature is so vast and I am so small that being in a situation where that contrast is tangibly (?) felt puts me in awe.

The caress of the wind, the power of the waves; all the glory of God. And then one mortal creature deriving immense enjoyment of being in that midst; delighting in God’s creation and the harmony of that creation.

I wanted to tell my friend perhaps that also pleases and delights God who is looking down from heaven above :)

A lovely and fun-loving little girl of 28 started this year with the resolution of seeking great adventures. I’ve lost touch with her since we went hang gliding together. I hope she found her adventures and that they would all be worth it.

A toast to an amazing 2007 and a promising 2008.

The longest tag!!!

Rena, this is only because I love you OK? :P


1. Name one person who made you laugh last night.

My flatmate and good friend Aileen, as we were talking about things that we want to pray for each other. Needlessly said, we digress.

2. What were you doing at 0800?

I have no cognition of that time.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Answering work emails.

4. What happened to you in 2006?

Was a bad year, don't want to recall.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?

Ma! Do you want to get changed now?

6. How many beverages did you have today?

One- "home made" barley at the kopitiam downstairs :P

7. What color is your hairbrush?

I don't use a brush cos I have wavy hair. But I comb while rinsing off the conditioner and that comb is purple in colour.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?

Breakfast, with mom.

9. Where were you last night?

At home. I'm a homebody.

10. What color is your front door?

Terracota, as with all the other HDB units in my area!!

11. Where do you keep your change?

In a bowl in my room.

12. What’s the weather like today?

Cloudy in the morning, raining right now.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?

Vanilla by and only by Haagen Daaz

14. What excites you?

Vacations by the beach where you do nothing; and doing fun stuff like ww rafting and hang gliding, etc. Shopping for nice things. I don't get easily excited, actually...

15. Do you want to cut your hair?

A la Rena, I'll keep it long, thank you.

16. Are you over the age of 25?

Someone recently said I look like I could be 12. Go figure. Someone also said we should stop counting at 27.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?

The only channels I watch are CNBC, Hallmark and Discovery Travel and Living. And ESPN when there is F1.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

Yes.

20. Do you make up your own words?

Yes, and then I define them. Check out the name of my blog.

21. Are you a jealous person?

A little, I think...

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.

Aileen.

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.

Karen [Ho]

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?

Lost my phone in Bali, and SIM card just got reactivated. Lots of messages but no calls yet.

25. What does the last text message you received say?

"Morning! I got many questions to ask about your faith but too many for SMS. It's really nice here [in Bali], thanks for letting me join you guys. I hope to catch up with you soon."

26. Do you chew on your straw?

Yes.

27. Do you have curly hair?

Wavy, but around the fringes they get curly.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?

Take mom to Suntec city for the Duck Tour (which I really want to go to except I have meetings in the office!)

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?

I don't remember them.

30. What was the last thing you ate?

Toast with butter and kaya, with teh-o.

31. Will you get married in the future?

Only God knows and I believe His timing is perfect. So would be His will and choice.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?

C'est tout ensemble - a French movie starring Audrey Tatou, on board the plane to Bali.

33. Is there anyone you like right now?

I like a lot of people. I like 90% of the people I know. Others, I don't remember them.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?

Yesterday.

35. Are you currently depressed?

"Depression is meditation of the wrong information". I have the Truth :)

36. Did you cry today?

Nope.

37. Why did you answer and post this?

Because I love Rena. And because otherwise, I would need to use more grey matter to come up with a post.

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.

No thanks.

Cute and funny

Cute and funny don't take away pain, but they help.

I went to the neighbourhood clinic for the first time since we moved in here and discovered that Dr Richard Lee is really cute and funny. About the cutest doctor since Dr Brad Davis, the neurologist I worked for part-time at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics.

I kinda wished I didn’t have to go see him for an illness as embarrassing as urinary tract infection. Too bad he is married with kids (pictures all over his clinic) or I might fall ill more often. Just kidding!!

I was the third patient in line and I really couldn’t keep still because I was in great pain and I keep wanting to pee but I also don’t want to pee because it hurts really bad.

Dr: Have you had this before?
Me: Not this bad, not that I can remember.
Dr: Usually, it comes back once you have it and if it is not treated well.
Me: Is it serious? (He had a grave look, ok?)

He asked me if I had loin pains and I was like, what’s that? I have a different sort of pain!

Dr: It happens for a number of reasons. It could be because of dehydration (possibly), holding back your pee (maybe), or sexual intercourse (definitely not).

He looked at me and I looked back at him. Was he expecting me to answer that aloud? But it wasn’t a question.

It turns out my symptoms say it is a “classical” urinary tract infection and it should go away in three to five days.

Me: You mean the pain is going to last three to five days?? (My tolerance for pain approaches zero).
Dr: No, the irritation is caused by inflammation and that should be reduced with the antibiotics. The pain will become less and less.
Me: Can you give me something that will take away the pain quickly?
Dr: Yes… but this is not miracle ok? (Gives me wide eyes and smiles). It will take time to work.
Me: I know.
Dr: This particular medicine will change the Ph of your pee but it will also turn your pee orange. Like really orange. Bright orange. (Wide eyes again).
Me: Ok, orange (I gave him serious, wide eyes back).
Dr: No, really, are you listening? Some people don’t listen and then they panic and rush back here. (Smiles)
Me: Yes, orange!
Dr: Ok, and the blood come with the pee?
Me: I guess.
(Gives me a quizzical look)
Me: Well, it’s not my menses! And it definitely comes with pee.
Dr: But you have to know where it comes from, like the upper, middle or lower…
Me: It definitely comes with my pee! (Do NOT blush!)

I am SO glad he does not have to examine me!!!

Dr: You have to come back in five days for us to test your urine to make sure the infection is all gone.
Me: Ok.
Dr: Are you allergic to anything?
Me: Cats. (Stops short and turns to me with a bemused look)
Dr: What?
Me: Cats! I sneeze nonstop and I tear and I fall sick.
Dr: O-k (scribbles something on my records). You need an MC?
Me: Yes please (I have not slept since 4am when I went to sit on the throne and could not be parted with it).

I am still in pain and will be glad to see Agent Orange.

To nuke or not to nuke? You have the answer...

I found out from one of my discussions with our country heads that there is technology to "neutralise" the radioactivity of nuclear waste fuels.

There are two types of nuclear wastes, it seems. "Nuclear waste" are those leftover from fissile reactions (which creates energy) that are of low to moderate radioactivity. "Nuclear waste fuel" are those leftovers that are of high radioactivity, which can be used to make nuclear weapons.

The buyers of uranium enters into a contract with the sellers (a small number of countries in the world) to transport the waste fuel back to the sellers, who have the technology to neutralise their radioactivity so that no one can take advantage of the waste fuel to make weapons (other than the sellers, of course, which have all proven to be belligerent nations some time or other in history).

"Then why can't the buyers send ALL grades of waste back to the sellers to be neutralised" asked moi.

Because it would cost too much, was the logical answer. So that's why we have cases of radioactive waste being buried deep underground, albeit in supposedly omni-proof containers. Still, nobody wants them in their backyard. Do you?

Then please don't turn your air-conditioner to 16C 24x7 because otherwise, there would be no other way to meet wasteful consumption than going nuclear.

Is there no subtitute for ghee?

Viral, Fenil and baby Daksh came to dinner and brought with them this flavourful potato dish that I really, really like. So I asked Viral for the recipe.

It's simple, she said. Just some cumin seeds, green chillies, salt, coriander leaves and tumeric powder. Fry them with the cooked potatoes in ghee.

Ghee? Isn't that like, lard? And isn't that like, super unhealthy? Perhaps butter is better?

Wrong. And that was not the only thing wrong. Not only did it not smell as deliciously, it tasted wrong. First of all I didn't want to burn the butter so that means I didn't fry all the spices long enough. Then...I overcooked the potatoes (how does one tell??). And then I could even taste the grains of salt, undissolved.

The result:



At least it doesn't look too bad...

Oh well, I still have another big potato, loads of curry leaves (all for 50 cents) chilli from my mini garden, coriander leaves, and more cumin seeds and tumeric powder than I know what to do with. Still no ghee for me, it shall be extra virgin olive oil the next time!

Climate change and making babies

Today I had along call with the country chief of one of my markets. I would be having nine more of these as we map out the region’s 2008 public relations programme.

During this call I asked him to take off his hat as a country chief of a global company and put on the hat of the Minister for Energy for his country. In that role, what would policies would he put in place to effect desired changes in the energy market?

It took him a while to “change” roles. At times, the genious that he is skipped two steps ahead of me in terms of implications of policies.

CC: I would definitely reduce the limit of emissions in that area. But you know, the companies are moving very slowly in reducing emissions and as a result the government is not giving out permits to build newer plants. And because of that the rate of investment has declined. There needs to be incentives or tax breaks for companies to adopt technologies that enable lower emissions.

NY: And you want to lower the limit even more.

CC: As a member of the public and if I am Minister, yes.

At times he could not totally remove himself as a corporate chieftain in charge of meeting sales targets.

CC: That’s what I say as a normal person. But if the oil and gas companies can’t build their plants then I cannot sell to them.

You see, the revenue from technologies we sell to reduce emissions doesn’t quite offset the loss of revenue from selling technologies that generate power.

My company is in the business of providing technologies for power generation and power plant management. My colleagues and I are daily confronted with issues like energy security, fuel efficiency, and climate change. This power generation technology provider is painfully aware that the energy sector is one of the greatest contributors of greenhouse gas emissions.

When I first found out that conventional coal-fired plants achieve only 30+% efficiency, and the most efficient gas turbines about 50+% efficiency, I wanted to cry. The chemical elements and potential energy that are not converted into electricity are what makes for polluting particles and heat that is lost to the environment.

Technology providers are investing heavily to machines that increase efficiency, reduce emissions and innovation to reduce leakage along the grid and within power plants. I disagree with NGOs who for rhetoric and entrenched cynicism for big business labeled “green energy” as “greenwash”.

Don’t blame the power producers. We, consumers, are the ones responsible, with our insatiable and irresponsible demand, at the conclusion of the matter. Why drive a SUV when you can drive a smaller, more fuel-efficient car? Why turn on the air-conditioner to 16 degrees Celcius when the optimum temperature for human productivity is 25 degrees Celcius?

What has this to do with making babies? To some, everything.

My colleague is 34 and recently married. Having a baby is a critical issue.

“When I think about climate change I wonder if I want to bring a baby, another life into this world.”

My opinion on having kids has swung from one end of the spectrum to another and now suspends in midair. Lucky for me I don’t have that decision to make.

I remember when I was 25: I urged an older friend to have kids because they are God’s blessings for us. The very next year I sang the opposite tune.

Years 2001 and 2002. The Nasdaq crashed and so did the lives of many. Argentina defaulted on debts and its currency became mere paper. Russia decided to default, too. September-11 happened. War in Iraq happened. The generation born after that would never know a world before not being able to carry more than 100ml of liquid in a clear plastic bag when boarding a plane.

In London, it seemed like representation of every nationality and cause congregated at Hyde Park and LSE, my university. Being right in the middle of it all, I felt as if the air was so heavy with the burdens of the world. If each droplet of the London mist could contain bits of these burdens; I imagined I could stretch out my hand and feel its weight on my palm.

With the state of the world as it was, I thought bringing a kid into this world was being unfair to the life that has to live it with no say on whether life on earth was worth coming into; and that having kids would just be to fulfill selfish desires.

Today that familiar feeling came back. Just before the call with the country chief, I attended a public lecture by a law professor from Standford University who has been participating in Kyoto Protocol negotiations and would be participating in the next round of the United Nations Framework for Climate Change Convention in Bali, in December.

I bet you didn’t know that the Kyoto Protocol would be phased out in just five more years. It is uncertain whether emission reduction targets would be met, and with the recent earthquake that damaged Japan's nuclear reactor, the country already said it is unlikely to meet its target. (Nuclear power generation doesn't emit greenhouse gases and Japan would now need to substitute nuclear with other fuel, very likely coal, because LNG contracts don't get delivered as quickly and oil is too expensive in the spot market). The significance of the Bali Convention is the start of negotiations for what’s next after 2012.

The Rio Summit, the first Earth Summit, was held in 1992 and the Kyoto Protocol entered into force in 2005. As a university student in US in the mid-90s, I remember the academia being swept away by debates on whether there really was climate change and the economics fraternity was asking if the cost to mitigate damaging effects would be worth it if climate change were not really the effects of human activity. It took that long for people and governments to understand scientists, to see the problem and get serious about it.

We cannot afford to wait another 13 years. That’s almost one generation. The generation of your children, and my children if I have them. A few degrees of temperature change can change a whole lot. Islets get submerged and people are displaced. It rains where it shouldn’t and doesn’t where it should. Polar bears swim from one iceberg and never meet another and drown from exhaustion. Sea currents change. Ecosystems are be affected. Your ecosystem. My ecosystem.

I don’t blame my colleague for thinking the way she does. When you are aware of the reality and choose to acknowledge it and let it hit you in the head, you would also be faced with the same conundrum.

I am not saying we should not have kids, not at all. But that if we should have them, it follows that we need to do our part in making a better world for them. It starts with acknowledging the problem and let it hit us in the head. And then adjusting our behaviours.

Remember how Neo had to make a choice between "realities" in the Matrix? So, blue pill or red pill?

Christmas anticipations

Christmas always fills me with a sense of anticipation. I have no answers as to why.

Spiritually speaking it could be because the reminder of the birth of Christ, transports me to a time pregnant with hope of the miraculous arrival of the Messiah.

But on mortal grounds, Christmas always makes me hope for something more and something better.

This morning I woke up feeling Christmas so near. And the thought that come to me was that this year, I would count thanksgivings for all that I have and not wish for something I don't.

Because this year more than any other (by relative perspective), I feel have so much to be thankful for; and at this point, so much joy within. This year, I have just begun to look at the past and the future with different lenses.

And for that, I have all to thank God for.

How He has been so good

1. Healing. Dad had stones in his kidneys. Dad doesn’t have any form of insurance and I am quite frequently worried about future medical costs – I cannot yet afford to add him to my insurance bill. But I prayed that the stones would disintegrate, turn into almost power, and be washed out as he goes to the toilet. In his check-ups, the doctor said the medication seemed to be working and there was no need for a minor operation. In church I stood in Dad’s place and claimed healing for him. My Lord Jesus’ passion and compassion is to heal and it is documented all over the Bible. And he healed Dad. In my last visit back, Dad told me the stones are gone and the doctor was surprised at his lack of pain when the stones were washed out. I pray that one day, Dad would know this loving God I know.

2. Keeping two dear people together. I’ve been praying that my friend who is moving to Japan would not be separated from her boyfriend in Europe. It is so difficult to find someone who is right for oneself and it is tragic should that happy union end. I am glad that her boyfriend has been also offered a job in Japan. I believe when God meant for two persons to be together, He would pave the way and it would not be difficult.

3. Near term stability. My boss told me two nights ago that her bosses in the US are ok to extend my contract for another 12 months. I accepted the verbal offer without thinking because I know I am meant to be here. There were things God has spoken to me about my job during my quiet time. So it isn’t the job or the money; I really want to be obedient to His will. I initially signed on a six months (current) contract ending in January because I was not ready for anything more. It worked out doubly well because the negotiation for my pay would have been a lot more difficult if I had started on an indefinite yearly contract. I still have not signed the next contract but if God said so, it is so. And I am glad it makes my Dad happy – I am not going to continue to be a “rolling stone that gathers no moss,” he said.

I am sure I would have more of His mercies to tell. Unending. But I have been thinking of whether or not I want to continue blogging. I feel like I am entering another season (again) and I no longer feel like I want to blog as much…

A Homebody

That's Nicole.

She likes to stay at home especially when her home is really nice :) She likes to potter around aimlessly especially on a Saturday morning because it is the start of the weekend.

She likes to tend to her plants; trim them, water them, etc. She likes to do her laundry and reorganise her room after the week's mess.

She likes to make Earl Grey tea for her reading session on the couch. She likes that she has two couches to choose from :) And she likes to turn on her favourite music for accompaniment.

Since she has been out a lot through the last week and weekend, she is looking forward to having no plans after work so she can be a homebody tonight.

She is speaking in the third-person as conditioned by Facebook.

Registered voter

I am hardly in touch with Malaysian news these days so I am going to need your help.

Please let me know when the elections are called AS SOON AS it is called. Call me. Text me. Email me. Drop me a comment. Send me a message on Facebook. So I can plan my travels, if any, around it.

Just make sure I know because I want to vote. And may I please implore you to do the same?

When there is no oil or gas

Oil is approaching US$90 a barrel, again. I no longer doubt that it could reach US$100 a barrel, and beyond.

I wonder if people think of when we run out of recoverable fossil fuel.
I wonder at people who think that we would never run out and that we would just dig deeper, explore farther off shore.
I wonder if we are investing enough today to be able to truly survive on renewable energy.

Nuclear is not renewable. Neither is ethanol. I don't agree with farming for biofuel because it drives up the cost of staple food for many people in this world.

I wonder if people think about their daily carbon footprint. It's how much carbon dioxide we each create/help create (other than from breathing).

I want my house to be able to run on photovoltaic power if I ever have my own home.
I think the Singapore government should build new HDBs to have solar wall panels.

If you think about it, wind and solar power are the only truly clean energy.

Time warped

I am hopeless in telling time difference, I discovered. I set up this conference call with my colleagues in Japan and after waiting five minutes my boss and I were wondering why is it that they have not dialed in. The Japanese are never late, right?

It turned out my Meeting Request said 5pm Singapore time but my email said 4pm Japan time. Japan is one hour AHEAD of us, not behind. I’ve gotten it wrong before with our Korean colleagues.

To my embarrassment, my Japanese colleagues did dial in at 4pm their time and we were not there… *shame-faced*

I need a wall of clocks like those in hotels, one for each of my markets.

Hanoi is...

My longest crush

No prizes for guessing it right.

A. Tony Leung
B. Tony Leung
C. Tony Leung
D. All of the above

He only gets better with age. Sighs....

Face booked, Life bared

I succumbed after numerous invitations. That’s one reason. The other one is to check it out. In my job, I need to know what are the latest happenings in the world (don’t as me about fashion or food, I don’t cover or intend to cover consumer of lifestyle).

It’s been overwhelming because I am just so ILLITERATE at it. I didn’t even know how Lee Hui was identified as my cousin and I was like Whaaaat?? How did that happen? How does IT know??

But it’s great that I got in touch with Ambreen; found out that Vivian is pregnant (she’s one person I know who is always happy); Gabriela is back in Mexico; Gabriel is becoming a daddy, etc. Within 24 hours I had 60 friends and most of them I had not been in touch with for a long, long time

Glad to be in touch with Tek Tsien also. But when he identified me as having gone to OBS with him in 1990, and when Live identified that we lived together in Butler’s Wharf, I felt exposed.

It’s like my whole life could be bared. Just reading my Facebook page, you would know who I communicated with, where I went to school, and by checking out my friends you could tell where I lived at different times of my life.

My colleague told me employers are checking out candidates through Facebook.

I suppose it’s how much you want to reveal. I just haven’t gotten a hold of it.

I’ll tell you what else went through my mind:

1. The six-degree of separation could be zapped into one
2. It’s a success riding on people’s need to be connected (putting it nicely) and people’s indulgence for their nosey-ness (putting it not so nicely).

So buy me a drink won’t you? Cos in my real life, I’m alcohol intolerant.

Before happily ever after

We all want happily every after. Don't lie lar! If we have our way and we are not jaded or cynical, we would admit we do want happily ever after. You know what? Happily ever after exists. Only not in this world.

Today’s message started from John 16:33b. Jesus said:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But that heart! I have overcome the world.” New International Version.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” New Living Translation.

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” New King James.

I use three translations here because together they capture the meaning more comprehensively.

Trouble isn’t just trials; it is also sorrow. Taking heart isn’t just being strong; it is also rejoicing that we know the victory is already won.

Visiting pastor, Rob Yanok of Faith Point Church in Tennessee gave the message. His says everyday when his feet hit the floor he is excited about living out his calling – to inspire hope and to build faith. What a great calling.

Living out my calling. I don't always wake up glad or even want to wake up at all. How will I handle the tough times I will face? I hope that I would live out my calling all the more in those times. My response and reaction should be that of peace, the peace that transcends all understanding, even my own. So that I would reflect his grace and glory. (Stop reading now and please say a prayer for me that I will!!!!!)

2006 had been a really tough year. Sure, I was better off materially. But it was a year filled with loss, confusion and discovery (this isn’t always positive). I couldn’t wait for it to be over and to usher in a new year. With hopes, a "better" year.

My church in Singapore, Trinity Christian Centre prophesied that it would be a new season for the church and its members. It’s a season favour, fulfillment and multiplication. The latter will be better than the former.

So far, 2007 had been better. I know I am being taken on a journey of faith and because of that I also feel a sense of trepidation.

Pastor Yanok, I quote: Faith causes the trials. But faith also overcomes them.

And so, as I begin to read the Book of Job, and hear this message of trials and living out my calling, I am wondering about what when those times come.

Pastor Chris of DUMC said something I will always remember and have repeated before: We have not even given to the point of sacrifice. We have not indeed.

Jesus gave his life. He was born to die. In a very cynical perspective: so are we. The only difference that made all the difference is that He came to die FOR US.

I wondered at which point in His life did Jesus realize that. When he was three? Four? When he stayed back to debate with the teachers at the temple when his earthly parents left for home? As he drew nearer to 30 and knew it was the start of His ministry, was he excited? Three short years and the world is changed by His life and His death and resurrection. At 32 going on 33, did each step He took grow heavier? He knew what it was like to carry a burden because he carried the sins of world from eternity to eternity on His shoulders.

Pastor Yanok ended with the very popular Psalm 23.

V4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
V5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
V6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.

He said people love the ending of this Psalm - I do! We want to be victorious. We want prosperity that overfloweth. We want goodness and mercy all the days of our lives. And all these are rightfully ours.

But verse 4 doth come before verses 5 and 6.

Nevertheless, be of good cheer for He has overcome the world and He abides in me. AMEN.

p/s I am serious about that prayer bit!

Heartlander

That's me. Har har.

Singaporeans call themselves heartlanders, those who live in HDBs in areas that are not in the city or coastal. It is safe to say that HBDs are great living hubs because they call come with markets, old folks' corners, community centres, clinics, police stations, post office, and most importantly, the MRT.

From living in a full facility condo by the beach and taking the bus to work, I now live in a HDB in the "heartland" and take the MRT to work. It's not bad. Our mini house is pretty large and the area, Kembangan, is very nice. We are the only posh HDBs surrounded by link houses. I take the MRT to work and that's the part I dislike. I miss my buses.

I miss reading my Bible on the bus cos I get to sit going and coming back. On the MRT I never get a seat on either ways. It's even worse on days I bring my work laptop home and back to work.

I miss the full condo facilities. I miss Parkway Parade and the convenient grocery shopping.

Am still getting used to being a heartlander... I compensate that by decorating my relatively large bathroom that comes with dark green tiles (which I try to hide with Ikea floor mats- our cleaner who comes every fortnight says my salle de bain is very pretty).

Place mats and their places in the world

If doormat is used to describe a person who is easily pushed around and seemingly contribute zilch to what is of value to this world, then place mats should given an even lower standing.

I still could not figure out how are place mats more useful than doormats (these guys are indeed very useful!).

I mean, do people really need to have place mats to know where to sit? Don't the chairs do a good job at that? So what's the point of using place mats when you have no guests to impress? If you think you only need to wipe the place mat and not the table after using it, think again!

So place mats, I think, serves only a decorative purpose. Look pretty and thereby making the dining table and the dining area look prettier, too. (This implies that ugly place mats would truly be in useless existence).

Now that I have established the role of place mats in my universe, I would join the rest of the population who use them, except I would know why I use them.

Phenomenon

Joyce and I were working late last evening. NOBODY else was around and something strange happened. (Another scary movie in the making??)

Joyce: Nicole... do you feel the shaking?
Me: Yes...
Joyce: What is that?
Me: Er....actually it is swaying now! WE are swaying!
Unison: Earthquake!!!!!!!

It was swaying pretty badly and we were only on the 11th floor. I felt like I was in an aquarium (metaphorically speaking since I have never actually be inside an aquarium). We could see the office plants with long branches swaying with us.

It was the Indian Ocean- off Bengkulu, Sumatra, earthquake. It happened about six-ish pm but we only felt it at seven-ish. Joyce and I decided to go home and work from there (that's why they give you laptops and VPN!!!).

Last year I was working on the 24th floor and felt nothing. The first time I felt an earthquake was in New Zealand, January 1994. It lasted five seconds. My foster parents and I were watching TV and the whole world (it seemed) shook and we were almost shaken off our seats. Apparently it was not too unusual for them.

Am glad my Indonesian colleagues are ok but they told me there are still tremors right now and they are leaving the office.

Irrational fears

I could be silly but I think I am not wrong. I have weird fears and I scare myself thinking of what if they come true.

Like for example, I fear turning blind. I run the risk of repeating this silly but fearful episode.

Last year I was in Sri Lanka for a house-building project with Habitat. Josie and I shared a room and a double bed in the only motel (us 13 people were the only guests, too) in this remote village at the foothills of the mountains.

Sounds like the beginnings of a scary movie??

So one night the air-conditioning didn’t work and it got warm. I woke up. (Deng deng deng deng….)

It was pitch black. The only time I’ve been in a place so dark and devoid of light completely was in Gua Tempurung, when our guide made us switch off all our torchlights.

Back to my story: I blinked. And blinked again. I moved my hands in front of my face. NOTHING. You cannot even imagine what it is like until you experience it for yourself.

I wasn’t thinking about ghosts. I was thinking that I turned blind.

In unison now: WHAT?? You silly girl!

See, it was my fear exposing itself. I began to want to cry and thought about how I would live my life as a blind person never to see again.

Then Josie stirred and I could feel her sit up.

“Josie…”
“Ya?”
“I can’t see” I my mind I was thinking of how she would need to wake everyone up and get me to the hospital to check if I had really turned blind.

“Ya, the lights all over the village went off. I heard a loud trip earlier.”

“OH.”

Oh, indeed. Irrational fear? Could anyone go to bed perfectly normal and turn blind the when she wakes up?

I have another irrational fear. That I would be paralyzed and have to lie in bed all my life having only my irrational mind as company (can you imagine me having menopause???).

Why am I thinking about all these now?

Because I don’t know how I hurt my neck and now I can only sit up straight as a pole, or lie down as flat as the horizon.

Irrational fear…?

What's been happening

There were many little snippets I wanted to post and tell you guys about but it had been an overwhelmingly busy week.

I wanted to say that working and traveling at the same time (having only been a leisure traveller) is no fun. I only saw the rooftops of Jakarta from my hotel and office; and the only thing I got in Bangkok was a 45 minute shoulder massage in Suvarbumi International Airport (which made Joyce and I almost miss for our flight back to SG - they really should have more travellators).

I wanted to say that there was a crisis from one of the interviews I arranged: the paper misquoted one of our country CEOs and we are still managing it.

I wanted to say that the incident made me gain new respects for my boss and this global conglomerate I work for.

I wanted to say that I am utterly tired.

I wanted to say that there is one upcoming interview with a very prominent international newspaper and my regional CEO is not comfortable with it, which makes me uncomfortable, but that my boss is rather cool about the whole thing. My boss is rather amazing.

I wanted to say I have been keeping up with my Danielic fast and eating vegetarian had not made me sallow or wither. In fact, my skin is clearing up. I am still tempted to eat meat but I guess this is what fasting is also about- overcoming temptations. I am supporting DUMC in prayer in that the move to Dream Centre won't just be a move for the church but it will be a multiplication- that the halls will be filled to the brim with new salvatioins and we would need four services all over again!!

I now want to say that I am moving into my new home in an hour or so. Please pray Aileen and I would get a third person to take up the third room. Please pray this home will be God's vessel of blessing not just for us but for His Kingdom.

I won't have Internet connection at home for a while (hopefully Singtel will be a lot faster than Telekom, and will also set up wireless for us) and I will be traveling again and won't be staying put until the second week of Sept.

Catch ya later, alligator.

vegetarian pains

I'm following the fasting and praying that is going on in DUMC although it would have to be my own version. Working at this late hour (1:16 am), I doubt I can wake up at 5:30 anymore.

So I've decided to fast meat (it's a Danielic fast! Check out the book of Daniel).

It's not easy because I am 100% omnivorous. I like meat and vege equally and also prefer to have them in equal portions in my meals.

I've also discovered it's quite a pain being vegetarian because I keep having to ask the food sellers if some dish has meat or not. Today I asked the teppanyaki chef to remove this and that from my rice. He must have thought me a pain. I am beginning to think it is harder than not eating at all. But I get depressed if I don't eat.

Let's see how well I do until Sept 2 in view that I would be (1) moving to our new apartment and (2) traveling almost non-stop in the next two weeks and (3) will be working late nights.

(1) - Yay!!! We found a three bedroom HDB maisonette (two floors) that is very spacious and breezy and clean and settled on it immediately. Aileen is taking the master bedroom and I the second room. The common toilet has GREEN floor tiles!!! I would need to find ingenious ways to cover that up. We need a third person to take up the third room which is much better furnished than mine cos it is more expensive. It has a double bed, vanity, shelves, wardrobe, TV and airconditioned. Know anyone who might be interested?

(2) Ironic that, just when I decided I have enough of traveling...

back to work...

Missing home and unsearchable truths

It is a feeling I am unfamiliar with, this missing home bit. But at the moment I wish I am breaking fast with my cell members in Sri Hartamas. Or having dinner with my mom, dad, brother and sister (and sister's boyfriend).

I wish I know what it all means; the way things and timings work.

My DUMC cell leader passed me my church membership certificate- just when my Singapore church, TCC, requires me to transfer my membership in order to be a commissioned spiritual-parent. When does DUMC move to the Dream Centre? The weekend when I have to submit my TCC membership application.

I am having great difficulty severing this cord. I bought into the vision of the Dream Centre. I gave much to it; in prayer and faith, too. I guess that's why I feel I am part of it; it is part of me. Perhaps the right perspective should be that I am helping to build the kingdom of God, not just DUMC.

There is something that would finally lock me down. Aileen and I are about to sign a tenancy agreement tomorrow. It is for two years. And because it cost so much I would need to be in a full time job always. No more jetting about.

And this is when I choose to feel like I want to be home.

Tell me Lord, great and unsearchable truths I do not know. If I see, maybe it won't be so difficult living on earth.

Happy Birthday Kelly!

I don't know much about her anymore except for the facts. That she lives in the US. That she is a stay-home mom of a lovely baby girl. That she must be a wonderful and most loving and gentle mom and wife.

But during one period of my life, a long and critical period, she was God's light in my life and she loved me as Jesus did. She was my closest and most beloved friend and one I would always love. Always.

Dear Wai Sang, Happy Birthday. May God's love and blessings follow you all the days of your life (Hasby and Naomi's, too) :)

I love you.

David's heart

King David has been called a man after God’s own heart. As a young Christian I’ve always wondered what that means.

I’m not sure I completely grasp that even now. But I got a glimpse into the heart that David had; a heart for God.

He wanted to build a temple for the ark of God but God said no because he was a warrior and he shed much blood and so he was not to the one to build a holy temple for the Lord.

In the Old Testament, David was the only one who longed and yearned so much to build a glorious resting place for the God of his heart. The rest of the kings who built or rebuilt the temple, though they had a willing heart, were mostly following orders (from father or from prophets, or even foreign kings who were instruments of God).

So David could not build a home for the Lord. But you know what? He gathered all the gold and silver and he stored them up for Solomon to build the temple with.

David would never see even the foundations of that temple but he knew it by heart. Every door, every portico, every partition, even the height of the lamps.

And he as if saved up all his “life savings” in modern day parlance, for a dream he would never see but is sure will be realized as promised by the Almighty God.

Reading and thinking about this made me feel the same awe I had for Joseph, who believed and saw in his heart that day in which God will bring the Israelites out of Egypt into the Promised Land. And so he left instructions that his bones be brought with them when that should happen. That was to happen many hundred years down the road.

After Solomon, who built the temple, there were many kings and then there were the divided kingdom of the north and the south; and then there was the exile into Babylon during the time of Nebuchadnezzar; and then the Persians toppled the Babylonians. God had to use Persian kings in the forms of Cyrus and Darius to complete the rebuilding of His temple that was destroyed by the Babylonians.

That happened in the time of the prophet Haggai.

Haggai 2:8. God said: “The silver is mine and the gold is mine,” when He asked the Israelites to consider their ways- they lived in paneled houses while His temple lay in ruins. They offered defiled sacrifice. Consider then why was it that they worked hard but it never amounted to much.

I was then reminded of David’s gold and silver, which he saved and kept for God’s house. The contrast in the heart for God gave me a pang in mine. And begets the question: Where is my heart?

If I had to give all the money I have now to fulfill my faith promise, I would have a hard time doing that – not that I have much, even. Giving all that I have would not even meet my faith promise, not by half. Yet when I made that promise I knew it was meant to be. I had wanted God to do only what He can do in my life. It cannot be an amount that I could earn with my own two hands.

But as the deadline draws near I began to be unsure (there is no penalty for not fulfilling it in church but do we cheat God of the promises we make??). I had always thought the amount would come in one lump sum, in one fell swoop for God to demonstrate His omnipotence. What if that is not the case and I have to give up everything I have?

King David in 1 Chronicles: “But who am I, and who are my people that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hands…O Lord our God, as for all this abundance that we have provided for the building of your temple for your Holy Name, it comes from your hand, and all of it belongs to you. I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity.”

Give up everything I have? I have nothing that is not His. But there is disconnect here between what the head understands and what the heart can truly accept.

Unlike David and Joseph, I cannot see that day when the promise of the unfulfilled will be fulfilled. Therein lies the shameful truth, which answers the question: Where is my heart?

At the end of his life, David prayed for his son Solomon, that he might follow God WHOLEHEARTEDLY. Wholeheartedness- was what David had for God.

Wanted in this temple: Wholeheartedness.

For general viewing...phooey

This is no fun. How can my blog be rated G?? I write about naked men!! And display lots of bums!!!

If there is any rating lower than G then all my blogger friends would be there. Except maybe loudmouth ketchupmissy and r3na with her phallic-looking profile picture :p

Just do it! Part 1

Krystal posted her boys' Chinese names' characters on their blog so she won't forget. I think that's a great idea. I'm doing the same, so I won't forget what it is I want to do. Part 1 because I am sure there will be multiple additions.

1. Climb Bukit Timah. Not sure if it would indeed be a climb.

2. Consider buying a pair of hiking shoes. Just in case I do real hiking.

3. Go to Kranji and take the tourist bus to visit the farms (esp. organic farm) along Neo Tiew road.

4. Visit Marina South park.

5. Get a pair of rollerblades. I’ve been wanting to do this for the longest time, so to quote Nike: Just do it!!!

6. Serve in a ministry- find something!

7. Consider joining a gym after I find a real place-to-stay. If place-to-stay doesn't sap dry my disposable income yet.

8. Take Dad to dim sum breakfast when I am back next.

9. Catch two fish alive.

I suddenly feel I could go on endlessly but it was along the lines of buying this and that - and I don't need to feed that habit now, do I??

Communications of Babel proportions

I was trying to get through to a Korean editor but the receptionist didn't understand English and I was given the runaround. I finally ended up with a particular lady who refused to give up or pass me to another person.

It was quite amusing that I spoke to her in English (which she doesn't understand) and she spoke to me in Korean (which I don't understand) .

As we repeated the same thing, we g0t slower and s-l-o-w-e-r, hoping the deceleration would improve understanding.

It was an exercise in vain.

So I had an excuse to approach the cute Korean guy on our floor...and he came over and managed to get the editor's direct line for me... cheap thrill, yes.

In the end, another leading Korean business paper is interested in what we have to say about energy portfolio diversification and the choices between various renewable sources. Cool.

Yesterday I spoke in Bahasa Melayu to someone in Indonesia. It wasn’t so bad to start with because she could understand me in English and replied me in Bahasa. After a while I used Malay.

Next stop: Taiwan (Mandarin), Thailand (Thai) and Vietnam (Khmer). Pray for me.

As addendum to my previous post: God did the impossible. I got four leads, one of them being a very prestigious UK paper, and am hoping for more. All glory to HIM!

Impossibilities and the want of kingdom perspective

The testing of faith- does that include believing that God would do what He said He would do? Because I feel that so many things are up in the air and there is nothing I could grasp with my own hands.

In a once-upon-a-time heart-to-heart talk with an ex colleague, we both agreed that the most frustrating part of our jobs is the uncertainty of outcome from our engagement with the media. You can have a great story but once you pitch it, the take up is not guaranteed. And even when the interview is done and the story written, it still may not see the light of day.

In other words, so much are out of our hands. Input does not necessarily translate into output. And this is bothering me greatly at the moment.

In terms of time this part of the job takes up about 20% (the rest going into strategy and research, etc) but it is 99.99% of what our evaluation is based on regardless of what the evaluation form says.

Where is that still small voice of God that I so very, very, very much want to hear? Since I came back I struggle to remind myself that God is more interested in me and my relationship with Him than anything else. You mean EVERYTHING else will be provided??? Really??

So, last night I was flipping through the Bible and came across this passage:

1 Chronicles 28
9 And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you for ever. 20 David also said to Solomon his son, Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.

Then I am reminded of what God said to Joshua as he was about to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land in Joshua 1.

1 After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide: 2 "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. 3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Believing that God will do what He said He will do... The impossible can only be done by God, right?

London summer

When the sun appears, England goes outdoors.

It was the start of the cricket season in England when I left. I took these pictures at Richmond Green. I like Richmond, a lot.

I wanted to post these pictures up while I was still in London but did not have enough time to do the collage. Looking at the pictures now makes me miss the green that is greener and the air that is cooler in UK.

England will always have a special place in my heart :)

Hot bum

I try to get the express bus that comes around 8am because the others would be quite filled and I would have to stand all the way- it is a long way, about 25 minutes.

This morning, there was a particular double-seat that was unusually left vacant. I was going to be one of those who would stand and I was looking at the seats. Everyone was avoiding it because there was some liquid spilled on it.

One of the ladies sitting behind those seats said to me that it is just oil cos someone who came earlier spilled oil on it. Actually it really did smell like minyak angin (eucalyptus/ nutmeg oil).

So I took out my wet tissue to wipe them off. Why wet tissue? Cos they smell like rose and I want to get rid of the eucalyptus/nutmeg smell.

You are now thinking the conclusion of the story is that I would end up having a wet bum that smelled like rose. Wrong.

I had every intention to using my dry tissues to wipe the seats after using the wet tissue. However, the next stop was not very far away and people were just filling the bus very quickly. I had to get into the seat!

The problem is the moisture had not evaporated and I suppose minyak angin is like acid/base elements. It needs H2O to show its properties. I won’t describe it but I guess most of you know the sensation of minyak angin/ eucalyptus oil on skin.

The lady who sat beside me didn’t know what happened but she sure knew the sensation because after a while, she placed the newspaper she was reading under her bum. I had to stifle myself and look out the window.

Hey, at least she had newspapers!!

My global footprint

Got this from CH's blog. Cool!

The Alaska bit is misleading cos I have not been so far out. It's just that is it part of USA.

The sweetest things about being married

...according to David. He's really sweet. I've never heard people say these things before.

I'm copying his latest post lock, stock and barrel but you can see his pictures through this link.

So... been married for eight days now, and everytime someone asks me about it, I can only say it's great.

Married life isn't about fear and trepidation about the fact you're committed to just one other human being for the rest of your life. It's about joy of belonging to someone.

I've been with Lydia for six years (that's an awful long time, I know) and you know what, it's a changed feeling now. I used to feel very sad everytime the clock strikes eleven and either she has to go home, or I have to go home. You know...like a detached emptiness.

Now, I'm so happy I get the chance to tuck her into bed (she sleeps earlier than me) and pat her hair back so it doesn't land on her face. Married life is sweet. You don't have to say, "Goodbye, goodnight."

So as I'm reflecting on what's changed, I realise, these are the first few steps towards creating a home. A place where we both belong, uniquely. We got the keys to our house just last weekened, and though it's really bare now (and dusty!), we both can't wait to clean up the place, renovate it lightly, and just move in.

The good times

I have this picture as my wallpaper at work. It was taken during David and Lydia's wedding last weekend. The girl in pink is Janice and the girl in blue is Shanice. Ku used to get their names mixed up when we all first started working together.

I miss those times. Janice and I started in FHKL the same day. David was already there. Shanice joined us a month later. We were the "pioneering" team; Ku was rebuilding the KL office for FH SEA. I always thought it is not a coincidence that Ku hired three Christian girls who are truly committed Christians. David himself is a man after God's heart. So Ku was surrounded by God's presence.

I miss them. Terribly so, today.

I miss the times at Mon't Kiara in our little but bright and noisy office (David being the propagator of noise). We talked across our cubicles and Ku would join in from his office which was right behind me (I had the most exposed workstation).

I miss Thursday pasar malams. We would pack and go back to the office and work some more. At about 10pm David would start to play his favourite Christmas carol.

I miss lunches with them. Walking under the highway across to Sri Hartamas for porky food. I miss us teasing David for always wanting cheap food (he was saving up to get married).

I even miss staying back really late with them. Packing media kits until midnight. In that office it didn't matter that my hourly rate was too high to be doing such things.

It was a time of innocence. I don't know why I think of it that way. We were younger, yes. But it was not so long ago.

We live in such a frenetic phase compared to our elders that perhaps we really do grow up more in a shorter span of time.

I miss those times. They were not easy times. We worked till we dropped, till we fell sick, we sacrificed, we grew the company, we grew together under Ku's guidance. But I can't remember those tired and frustrated feelings anymore. I only remember how good it was.

When we got really frustrated we would go for Baskin Robbins ice cream. Jamoca Almond Fudge for Janice, Choc Chic Mint for Shanice, I-forgot-what for David, and Rum N Raisin for me. We used those as our MSN taglines :)

When David got stressed he played with his Star Wars miniatures.

I miss those times. I miss Janice, Shanice and David. Ku included. I miss our team.

I love you guys. Thank you for being such a big and meaningful part 0f my life.

Slap me, it's just a number

I have not re-activated my Malaysia mobile number. I have been thinking really hard for days whether or not I want to keep it or just let it lapse into obsolescence by next month.

Gin: It's just a number. Why attach so much sentimentality to it?

Because it is not a number to me. Letting go of the number that [almost] everyone I know in Malaysia still keeps is hurtful to me. It is symbolic of me severing yet another tie to my own country and in some ways, relationships.

Perhaps I am being a little complicated (complicated, yes. secretive, no).

Gin: If God places you in Singapore then enjoy that phase. If He moves you back to KL again then get another number and let everyone know of your new number!

Simple as that, no?

I got into the blues and said something negative and retracted what I said (I forgot what it was already).

Me: I shouldn't say that, huh?
Gin: Yes you shouldn't! Want me to slap you?
Me: Yes, please do.

I thank God for friends who care enough and who are close enough to know when to do that.

Secretive

Of all the characteristics I would use to describe myself, this would not be it.

I just had a one hour phone conversation with Ping in which she said I am so secretive.

Me: What do you mean I am secretive! I am so transparent. I am so open especially with you!
Ping: But sometimes you say somethings and don't say the whole thing and I feel like I don't know what you are thinking! And if I can't get you, how do you expect a man to know what you might feel??

(By now Ping is raising her voice above mine because I protested so vehemently, but we still love each other, of course)

Secretive...never thought so...

I just started work today and I won't tell you how it was because I am secretive.

Looking for a reason

Over email

Friend: You are not going back to UK? Then why don't you come back for good?
Me: I have a job in Singapore.

Face to face

Same friend: So you have a six months' contract. After that why don't you come back for good?
Me: What can I do here?
Friend: So many things.
Me: Like?
Friend: Professional sweep.
Me: Very funny.
Friend: Ya, with your master's degree...Anything.
Me: Right. I could do a lot of things. But I have no reason to be here.
Friend: Ok don't come back then.

It isn't that I will never come back to Malaysia. I am not averse to it. Really.

I guess I can say that now after having been away 1.5 years and a lot of what frustrated me have lost their effects.

Me: You just live here longer and perhaps you will see the frustrations (Friend has only been back in Malaysia for 1.5 years after being away for 18)
Friend: I don't see it that way. I like it here. I could never like Singapore. There is nothing there.
Me: It depends. It really depends.
Me in my heart: You've been away from Singapore so long and a lot of things have changed.

I supposed he has been "bitten" in Singapore and I have in Malaysia. He is as adamant about how horrible Singapore is as I am about Malaysia. Except I have less hatred. And I am not averse about coming back. I just need a good reason.

Some suggest family but my family is actually glad I am in Singapore (especially after the Hishamuddin-Keris episode).

Sure, I miss DUMC and my CG there. But I also have a great church in Singapore and a wonderful CG, too, and both had really helped my faith grow by leaps and bounds in the one year I was there. I am not saying it won't happen in DUMC, please don't get me wrong. I love both. And sometimes I find myself torn.

Torn. Displaced. Alone.

I've been thinking how I missed certain friendships.

I remember Wai Sang, a very, very, very close friend who shared my growing years (Form 2- University) and I miss that friendship.

I remember walking to school and back with Gin, and whispering in conversation (we sat right behind the class) while our history teacher asked people to read from the text book and I miss that friendship.

I remember walking to and back from tuition with Paul, Vincent, Seema and Sheryl and how we had such funny conversations in the night.

It's so hard to find a best friend when we get older.

I guess I say I may come back because I believe some friendships/ relationships have to be kept. Some people I would like to grow old with. And there are more in Malaysia at the moment. But time and distance do take their toll on relationships. Sometimes I feel that toll in my heart.

To come back in the very near future?

You know, it is not a matter of logic. That would be a no brainer. Singapore beats Malaysia flat. It is always a matter of the heart. And that balance can be tipped with just one compelling reason. I am still looking for it.

Bemused, moi

I woke up at 11:45 am today. Couldn't sleep until 4:00 am last night. Is that still jet lag? It's been four days.

I rather panicked because I was supposed to go to Johnny and Angela's place in Jurong West for Baby Ariel's dedication, which was to start at 12:00 noon. I live right at the opposite end of this country. Justine agreed to wait for me at Wheelock Place until 1:00 pm.

I couldn't get a cab from the street so I took the bus to Parkway Parade and queued for a cab there. It was long but it moved fast. The cab driver uncle was rather chatty.

The traffic was heavy and he said it was because it was the last day before the GST increase, to 7%. We'd gone on to talk about how unfair the GST is to the masses because income tax cuts don't balance scale for them but tips the scale of the rich.

He asked if I was a student and I said do not be deceived, I am 31. He asked if I am married. I said no. He asked if I am picky. I said yes. He asked if I am educated. I thought for a while and said yes I went to university. He said I should not be picky. Just as long as he is not fat and don't carry diseases. Just as long as he loves me and could make me a happy.

He said he has two sons and two daughters. The girls are both engaged and the sons are not. He said one of his sons is 30 and is in Israel for training because he is in the Singapore air force. Would I be interested to meet him?

Cabby uncle: He is born in the year of the snake. You?
Me: Dragon.
Cabby uncle: Is that younger or older?
Me: Older by one year.
Cabby uncle: That's ok. Just one year...

We reached my destination at that. I paid, said thank you very much and he wished me all the best. I was mildly curious about the pilot son but que sera, sera.

---

Justine and I waited for Cynthia who was on the way from the clinic. I still sweat incessantly and as such am constantly parched. So I went into Coffee Bean to get a drink. I asked for the mineral water. It was S$2.50 for a that mini bottle.

Me: What?? I might as well get a real drink!

I started to look for the mango frappucino then realised that is sold in Starbucks. The guy behind the counter then said something surreal.

Guy: In that case can I recommend you the iced-tea? It is rose-flavoured and it is very soothing for the throat on a hot day like this. It is like a stream to a dry land.

?????????

Me: Ok then.
Guy: It's $3.50. Please pick up at that end. Thank you and enjoy your shopping.

I picked up my drink and it was indeed very refreshing. I felt like a wilting flower being revived by dew (am I as poetic?).

As I walked back to meet Justine I could not help smiling all the way.

---

Elaine got me to help her with nursery duty in church. The reason I said yes was because I had told God I would join Him where there is a need when I return to TCC.

Today we got the 1 to 2.5 year olds. The two cutest looking girl and boy were the cry babies. I unfortunately carried the boy from his mom and he stuck to me for most of the time. He was really cute. If only he stopped crying. Which he did, at the last 20 minutes. The credit goes to another helper, not I.

There was this other girl who was really quiet and good. But she smelled. I wondered if it was because of her breath or her diapers. Either way, it did not reflect well on her mom.

I was attracted to another little boy who minded his own business. The moment his parents dropped him off, he went to look at the toys. He did not interact. He examined and played with one toy and then another. When he is amused by them he smiles to himself and displays his two charming dimples, one on each side of his cheeks. He was most mild mannered. When another girl snatched something from him, he just went on to do other things. When we offered him snacks he took just one piece each time (the crying girl was a hoarder). He never demanded for anything, least of all our attention. He also never said a word or acknowledged anyone.

His name was Caden Lim. And I was highly intrigued by him.

It was interesting to observe little people with such different characters in just two hours. But I think I shall try another ministry.

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It is 1:30 am and I still cannot sleep. I am not so bemused now because I want to go to church in the morning!

Mid-year reflections and new miracle stories

I started the year with hope, trepidation and the desire to want to be excited.

I had known I would quit from my job but not what next. London and Europe seemed a natural destination.

The pastoral leadership in TCC had sought God’s wisdom for the year and it was revealed that after two years or so of travails and sowing, this would be a year of harvest, of multiplication and increase. Encouraged by the immensity of it all, I assumed all that for my own life.

For the past 6 months nothing much was clear (except quitting my job). In my Experiencing God study I learnt that many times God reveal His will (His good, pleasing and perfect will) only one step at a time. That, to me, is hard to accept; as one who always zapped past one chapter so I could quickly know that would unfold in the next.

Aileen and Eve were kind enough to remind me what I shared with them; bask in His blessings for the moment, praise and thank Him.

Indeed, I am a privileged child of God.

Two weeks in London I got a call from an old friend and ex-colleague who has moved to Singapore. She is managing the communications department of a large American MNC’s Asia Pacific office, and she would like me to join her on a 6 months’ contract.

I was hesitant because I only just arrived and I had not given London a chance. I had not even seriously looked for a job.

The terms, however, fitted everything I wanted when I quit my previous position. It does not anchor me down with inflexibility and would allow me to work remotely; it would address the damage in my pay scale; and just as importantly, it would be communications on the client-side and not in a consultancy.

It took me many sleepless nights and prayers to say “Yes.”

The reason: I have learnt from experience how God works in my life. At the very same time, my lesson in Experiencing God was asking me to list down spiritual markers in my life- turning points in which I was sure God was present and made a difference.

I now see very clearly that it is when God hands me something, literally placing it on my lap, that things turn out most successfully. Not without difficulties; but I could sense it when I am walking right in the middle of His grace.

Post agreeing to the contract, there were weeks of waiting, and a phone interview with two persons from US offices and more waiting.

Through it all, I struggled with wanting to “grab” and to let go. Elaine, my cell-group member in TCC had said to me that I should not struggle. There is no need. I know all that, especially having spent so much time with God everyday for the past three months. But sometimes there is a disconnect between the mind and the heart.

While waiting I looked into other opportunities in Singapore half-heartedly. By that time, I had decided it made no sense financially to work in London (taxes and cost of living); I was also tired of traveling. I missed the warmth and sunshine of the tropics and most importantly, God did not place my heart in England, much as I still love that place.

There is nothing more I want to do at this point in my life than to be so sensitive to God and be an obedient child.

I didn’t really try very hard at looking for new jobs in Singapore. At the back of my mind and heart there was a sense of “waiting”. I remember the very distinct reasons why I had quit: I don’t want to be stuck with an inflexible job and I had to be movable (don’t as me why because I don’t know. I only know that was the message).

The conspiracy of the universe had it that I had to travel back to Singapore before the end of June or there are no more affordable one-way tickets back until mid-August. Once having made up my mind, I didn’t think there was reason to remain in London for so long.

And so it was that I reached Singapore last night. During dinner, Aileen asked what are my plans. I didn’t have any. It was as if I was in a twilight waiting room; nothing and something is happening at the same time.

After dinner, I checked my email.

I got the job.

I start next week.

Your majesty, I can but bow
I lay my all before you now
In royal robes I don’t deserve
I live to serve your majesty

I wish there is a way to explain AWE. I was awed and amazed at His perfect timing and His amazing grace. And so I had to tell you this story, wordy as it may be.

I started the year asking God for new miracle stories.

I don’t want to be telling last year’s miracles all the time. I want to fill up and infinite number of miracle bottles so that I could be a living testimony. But more selfishly, I crave the constant reality of Jesus.

The last weekend I attended Kensington Temple, the message was about being in the Joshua Generation- claiming the “Promised Land” in victory. The verse was the same as one Pastor Dominic gave in TCC early this year.

Joshua 1:3a “I will give you every place where you set your foot…”

Two days before I was to depart from London another verse crept into my meditation. Moses said to God in Exodus 33:13b: “…If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.”

I really should stop doubting if I am indeed hearing from God, huh?

Next week is the start of July; the very month I thought would be a good time to start something again when I was preparing to quit months ago.

July. The start of the next half-year. And I find myself in the place of hope, trepidation and peace.

Thank you Jesus, for your grace.

Your grace, still amazes me
Your love, still a mystery
Each day, I fall on my knees
Your grace, still amazes me

P/S. Please keep me in your prayers as we have not finalised the contract details and there isn't any seal on any envelope yet.

PP/S. In case you are wondering, I don't know what will happen after the six months but I know God will be leading me to something even better :)

Les pomegranates pour Eve

When I was in Zurich I watched a sermon on DVD and the lady speaking said that each pomegranate has 365 seeds.

Don't ask my why certain little things pique me so much. Enough to buy a pomegranate and slowly peel off the skin and preserve those little red rubies for my counting.

When in Buckingham and grocery shopping with Ping, I chose the largest fruit so as not to disappoint myself. She thought I was NUTS.

Saphie was very happy she got to eat really pretty seeds and gulped them all down in a minute (it took me over an hour to peel and separate and count).

Me: There are 551 seeds! That's a lot more than 365!! (despaired)
Ping: I told you that! (she did, when I reached 200 and the bowl was still pretty full)
Ping: And oh, it's 553 (she cheekily put two seeds into the bowl; I don't know how her theft escaped me).

Eve also watched the same sermon and was curious to know, too.

Well, my dear, this is for you also :)

Forward reading list

Someone said my blog has too many words.

Someone else said I should plan my life.

So here are the few books, in PICTURE, that I PLAN to read in the course of my life.

HAH!

I spent a few hours at Charing Cross- a great place to get reading inspirations. I think I could rot in the bookstore.