Sunday musings- so I won't get bugged about not blogging enough

The smallest size was falling off me. No, really. I was holding the “excess” of the skirt out in front of my waist and it could fit another half of me. What were they thinking?? I looked around and there really aren’t so many big people in Malaysia!

I had to put it back on the rack. Sadly. Because it was turquoise and it had English lace and it sashays just below my knees.

When and if I have the money, I really would open that boutique for sizes only 2 and below. I really would! It is not funny and it is rather frustrating.

I had another premonition moment today. It started with an MTV on tele. And then talking to Auntie Lai Keen about her trip to Europe. I saw it happening and I let it be.

Between the last manifestation and this was only a short interval. Kinda gets me a little unnerved.

Apparently, O2D2 or that shiny golden robot (I forgot his name) in Star Wars was copied from a Japanese sci-fi produced in the 1930s. Wow! Moto said he has that movie with him. And he could lend it to me. Cool. Reminds me of Ultraman- my favourite show at four years old.

He also said that in Japanese language, you have to hear a person out before you know what he is saying. Until he says the last word, you won’t know completely what he will say.

I thought that is so beautiful. Beautiful. Think about it, there will be very little room for interruptions. I am actually quite sick of getting interrupted by people who wants to get their piece out while I am listening to someone saying something. I really want to LISTEN completely first!

If I have something to say in between, I could really say it after. And if I forget afterwards, then it must not be so important. Or I could take notes of my own thoughts.

Maybe that’s why the Japanese are such courteous people.

Because your language defines your world.

this is a tough one but don't loose sleep over it

I’ll believe it when I see it. But what if seeing is dependent on first believing?

What if you cannot see if you don’t believe? What then?

I probably should have continued to pay attention to what Pastor Moy How was saying. But his earlier announcement triggered some philosophical mind wandering.

See, there is a group of people from DUMC who would be making their way to the southern most tip of Peninsula Malaysia. There, they would look upwards to the whole of the Peninsula and start to pray. And they will extend their prayers for the whole continent. From that tip of the continent.

So I thought: Prayer is intangible. Geographical land mass is. Could you mesh both together? What would prayer “sent” out to the world do for the physical state of the world?

(Knock knock: Matthew 17:19-20 “…For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you…”)

But what if, just what if, that geography, history, and physics are all ONE? All part of one formula? Then changing one necessitates change for the others for the world to be held as one, still.

You know, if we go by the fundamental belief that God made the world and it came to be because he SAID it, then we have no problem here.

And you won’t be going “huh?” right now.

Never mind me this time.

moo moo long gone, but ring ring also going

Sometimes it’s really not me. For example, it is my phone. It is dying. Or at least I think so.

Symptoms:

1. Insensitive to touch. Whereby pressure on keys no longer produces the desired results. In fact, there could be no reactions at all. It is especially maddening when you are trying to answer a call, or to unlock the keypad, or make calls.

2. Haywires. Literally. The pressing of ‘t’ produces ‘h’ but not conversely. Same with ‘w’ and ‘c’. And all the rest for that matter. At which point it really DOESN’T matter

3. Hearing loss. People who call me go into voicemail directly even though the phone is turned on and sits innocently and unsuspectingly on my desk by my computer.

4. Paralysis. When even text messages cannot get into my inbox, or it fails to send messages. Requires turning off and turning on. And then I realize at the end of the day that I missed 3 calls, and 5 messages. IN THE MORNING!

Consequences:

Hazard for job performance and relationships. Please understand it is not that I don’t want to pick up your calls or reply your messages.

Conclusion:

I need a new phone.

Pre-conclusion:

I need more money.

But sometimes, I ask for it.

I mean, I nicely set the default language on my laptop to UK English- I was getting quite tired of “ignoring” the squiggly red lines every time I spell ‘organise’ or ‘realise’. Then what happens is that the @ sign become “ and the “ sign becomes @. At least there is consistency there.

So now I am proficient in using the US- and UK-configured keyboards. Does that make me ambikeyboardexstrous?

Will it carry value in my resumé?

"be transparent with discernment"

Pastor Daniel spoke about King Solomon again. The main Bible verse he used was Proverbs 4:23.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

Solomon said that. He was so wise that wise men from afar came to hear him speak. He was so wise he wrote three books of the Bible that are still studied and guide three major faiths of the world.

Wisdom was the only thing he asked for when God handed him a blank cheque.

1 Kings 3:5-12 (NIV)
5 At Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."
6 Solomon answered, "You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day.
7 "Now, O LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. 9 So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?"
10 The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. 11 So God said to him, "Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, 12 I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.

Solomon died in a dismal state. He lost his wisdom. He gave his heart to his 700 wives and 300 concubines and he let his heart follow their ways.

Be transparent with discernment. Someone said that to me recently. How do you know when to be discerning? I so need to know. I don't want to place my heart at the wrong places.

Father, please give me a discerning heart.

comment vous appelez-vous?

I wonder what Matt named his second daughter. His first baby he named Megan, after as four year old blonde haired blue eyed little girl whom he fell in love with as a student visiting a host family in Canada. I gave him the ideas of Melinda and Melissa.

Melinda was my roommate in UI. She said her mom chose that name because her mom, a teacher, had never a student by that name. Nobody called her Melinda. We all called her Mindy. Mindy’s best friends were Megan and Melissa. And Jessy.

Shiao Peng’s brothers’ names are Jin Choon and Han Yang. I thought it is so cool that his parents didn’t do the conventional naming method where by all kids in the family has the same middle name. Of course, if you morph Chinese names into Western style by putting the surname last, every one of our middle names becomes the first name. And so my brother, sis and I are all called “Yeng” by some our friends. My parents don’t get an award for originality.

Vincent says if he has another child he would still find a name that starts with Jo-; his first is Joel and second is Joshua. He doesn’t like Joseph for reasons I cannot tell.

Olivia is named after the Olive tree. If she had been a boy, Hwee Mei and Elvin said they would have named him Ashton. After the Ash tree. I thought that is such a noble concept. Firmly rooted and branching out. Tall, strong, fruitful- living to benefit others.

When I started using Nicole, nobody could say my name. Then Nicole Kidman became famous and so did Nicol David. Then suddenly there was a proliferation of Nicoles.

I used to think Nicole sounded so beautiful. And everyone who could say it right thought it sounded beautiful, too. Actually, I thought it sounded sophisticated, cool, and strong. Everything I thought I was not at that time.

Then I found out that it means- triumph of the people. Gulp.

Uncle Kok Keong when he gave a sermon some years back said that there are so many Davids around. His son was named David. Christian parents like to name their sons after King David. So few are named Solomon, even though in his reign he was a greater king than his father. He was the richest king in history. And I remember the few times that Pastor Daniel said Solomon did not finish the race well. He died a shadow of the man that he was in his prime.

David died in glory. He struggled and he did many wrong things. Each time, though, he came back to God. Uncle Kok Keong says maybe what we need is more Josephs.

I like Joseph. I may name my son Joseph if he could be like Joseph (of the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat fame).

I knew of a family who named their sons Jonathan and David. Two best friends. One who sacrificed his throne for another to do what is right.

If I have two sons I may name them Joseph and Jonathan. Not because I like the letter J so much. But I know of a young man called Jonathan and I like what he is growing up to be so far.

Although I really like one-syllable names like Ryan and Mark. One-syllable names sound so sure and strong. Like Grace. Definitely Grace for my daughter.

In reality, if you ask me I would say I don't think I want to have kids. But this is a blog and I am allowed to dream.

Little white flowers all over her hair

I had a premonition moment.

There were flowers in a little girl’s hair. And there was a voice reading a passage from the Bible about love. It turned out to be a wedding I attended last Saturday. I was standing behind the flower girl and she had flowers in her hair! And the pastor was reading from Corinthians 13.

Look at posting “Here is Love”. The premonition happened then. Because I woke up thinking about that Bible passage and started to sing that song.

Does this means my life is going as it should?

That is a nice thought :)

No biopsy result after ALL that

Mom and I waited two hours to see the gastrowatchacallit specialist in UH. I should have brought my laptop. The aunties sitting behind us talked ceaselessly. They are used to long waits in UH so they have become chatty buddies.

The first thing Dr Sanjiv asked was if mom had complications after the colonoscopy and had been admitted to SJMC. I asked if SJMC communicated with UH. He said no. His friend, another doctor (but not my mom's surgeon) in SJMC had called him to tell him of the case. Dr Sanjiv was very apologetic. Even more so when he found out that the specialist who did the colonoscopy did not wait for mom to wake up to explain what happened (we had to get that from SJMC's surgeon). He said maybe we should find out if we could get compensation. But the only way is the legal route and we have no money or energy for that. He was so affected by it himself he brought us to talk to the head of the department, Dr KL Goh. Who was also kind in explaining matters (but hey, in this case, they have to be). Investigation had been done internally and actions taken, apparently.

Anyways, there was NO BIOPSY. Because the polyp was so small (2mm) that the whole thing got burnt when they removed it. But Dr Sanjiv said mom's case looked benign. And it was by coincidence, Dr Sanjiv said, that he got my mom's file today (mom didn't specify which doctor she wanted because she didn't bother to keep track of her doctors- for which I reprimanded her).

I didn't think it was coincidence. I prayed that we would get an understanding and compassionate doctor who wouldn't just treat mom as a "case" but as a real person who has suffered a lot.

I was supposed to go do MyKad this morning. But it was raining cats and dogs and dinosaurs. And I have not slept in for a long, long time. Good thing I didn't go or I would have a full day of waiting for government service. I would not be a happy bunny.

Apparently Guy A and Guy B felt like movies stars to be mentioned in my blog.

I did dream last night. But is wasn't a bad dream. It was OK. I can't remember it.

The thing about premonitions

Help me.

Client A must think I am out of my mind. Client A replied to say Friday is OK. I sent email with all documents for Friday's meeting and said "for tomorrow's meeting" as the subject. Tomorrow is Thursday. The same colleague pointed it out to me. I then sent another email to say "sorry, I meant FRIDAY".

Strange things are happening.

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt a little girl was wandering around a building. People were looking for her. She was separated from her mom and she was very sad. In my dream I knew she wanted to kill herself. She was about five or six. I woke in mid-sleep state. Went back to sleep and the dream continued. She reached the top of a building, something like a HDB. She went out from the balcony and rested herself at the clotheslines and then let herself fall. Everybody was just watching. Her mom was at the bottom trying to catch her but did not.

I woke up very disturbed and realise it was 8:45. I did not set my alarm.

And I had scheduled a 10:00 meeting in my office. Rushed in and forgot to bring my laptop from home.

Jermyn came exactly at 10:00. I had not have breakfast so we went to the Hainanese Station. I told Jermyn about my dream. The is the second meeting I have with this guy, a partner to my firm. He didn't seem to think I am weird or spooky. Or he was being very kind.
He said it can be scary if dreams come true. I said mine do.

He said so do his dreams. But if I can remember this dream so clearly, then it is not the sort that will come true.

And I said that is true.

We both have premonitions. He used that same word as I do: premonitions. Not dreams.

Jermyn says if he gets the manifestations of his premonitions, then he interprets it as his life is going as it should. If he doesn't get manifestations for a long time, he believes it he has veered from where he should be/ what he should be doing.

I never thought about it that way.

Jermyn's theory has some truth to it. I told him about my footsteps and the pavement. That manifestation happened the first week I was in US, in August 1995. Up to the moment I took the flight, I wasn't sure I would actually be going. But I knew the premonition came way back. Maybe a year or two before, or more. I had a manifestation in London as well. But I could not remember that one.

Up to the point when I was in US, I used to feel weird when my premonitions manifest. By the time I went to London, my reactions were different. In the later years, whenever my premonitions come true, I try to go the other way. For example, in a conversation, I would have said something and someone would reply to me. But when I realise the premonition coming true, I would purposefully not say anything. So whatever was supposed to be, was stopped short.

Why do I rebel? I don't even know why. Why do I think it will always turn bad if I let it be? Why do I want to wrest "control" by turning it around even though I never know the ending?

Is that why I stopped having premonitions? Because I never let it unfold as it should?

I am feeling rather out of sorts to be honest. Could be because I am taking mom to take her biopsy report tomorrow.

I don't want any dreams tonight.

Act dumb even if you are smart

That’s the advice two 31 year-old guys gave to two 29 year-old girls.

Guy A is getting married in five months and wonders if he would fall in love with another person five months after he gets married.

Guy B is having his first relationship…finally… after years of having girls fall at his feet and not know who to pick because he liked them all. He finally decided to jump in and give it a try.

Girl A and Girl B are both highly educated, smart, funny, attractive and hold very promising jobs. Both are single with intermittent interests that never last.

Guys tell Girls that they if they are smart they should play dumb cos guys cannot take it if the girls are too smart or too independent.

Also, Guys tell Girls that no matter how attractive a girl, the guy would not pursue her if he cannot figure her out. Guys tell Girls that for Girls’ benefits because Girls are restless people who never really know what they truly want.

Guys tell Girls the next time they meet; it is Girls' turn to spill.

Memory alert!

Not good. This is not good.

My colleague just called to say he cannot make it for the meeting with Client A tomorrow. I said there is no meeting. Client A cannot make it for today and so it has been postponed to Thursday. He said "but it was scheduled for 12 Oct and that's tomorrow".

OOOOOOOOOPsss??!!!

And I had hurried Client A yesterday to confirm the meeting today! And since they cannot make it, and I suggested tomorrow or Thursday, they picked Thursday. I agreed for Thursday only to realise that I am on leave on Thursday!!!!!!!

What's happening to my mind?

Not good. NOT GOOD.

So there's this guy who sent me this message over yahoo messenger asking if my firm takes interns because his counsin is coming home end of the year and would like to do an internship. I am like "who are you?" (refused to add him to my list of friends)

Daniel Ng.
Yes, I can see that. But who are you?
I met you in DUMC.
Really? When?
Last year (yes, I have only been in DUMC in the last year)
I also met you once in London.
REALLY?? Where?
In EEC.
You visited my church?
Yes.
I can't recall at all. How did you get my IM address?
You gave it to me (Majorly baffled now)
Do you have a picture?
Erm... let me see. Here it is (You can post a picture on IM, for the uninitiated)
Ya right! (He looked like he posed for a watch ad)
Huh?
Is that really you?
Abuthen?
No way. I really have never seen you in my life. Either that or I lost some memory cells.

So we went on talking about how his cousin could send me his resume and my firm. I was as if talking to a stranger. (I added him to my list of friends in the end, since he both times met me in CHURCH).

Today he sends me a message asking me if I know Girl A. I have never heard of Girl A's name. He said neither has he! But Girl A also went to EEC in London and she had contacted him.

Let me clarify that I still cannot recall him.

If I have to depend on my memory to save my life, I would die.

NOT GOOD.

Still have to sort out the mess I made with Client A tomorrow :(

God, Hawking and Big Bang

Is there something by that title already?

(Digression: I still want to change the colour of my titles. And I still can't post pictures)

I saw Stephen Hawking. On stage. He came to the University of Iowa. He was seated on a chair with some life support features (I could be wrong). He couldn't speak on his own and his voice came out from a device. I couldn't hear what he was saying.

I think he came to LSE when I was there as well. But I am not known to have great memory.

I think the Big Bang theory is perfectly compatible with God being the creator of the universe. It is also weird to think that the person who came up with a theory on how the Big Bang could have happen is still alive.

I found this on the Net.

The explosive beginning of our universe, the Big Bang marks the earliest time we can probe with current physical theory. Theory has to guide our understanding of the first fraction of a second, since we can’t recreate the extremely high temperatures that existed during the earliest history of the universe in any earthly laboratory. What theory tells us is that from an initial state in which matter and radiation are both in an extremely hot and dense form, the universe expands and the matter cools. At that time, it is believed that all four of the fundamental forces of nature—gravity, electromagnetism, and the strong and weak nuclear forces—were unified.
The evolution of the earliest universe is not well understood because it is not clear exactly what laws were at work. However, it is known that by the end of the first second of time, the building blocks of matter had formed. By the end of the first three minutes, helium and other light nuclei (like deuterium) had formed but for a long time, temperatures remained too high for the formation of most atoms. At around one million years following the Big Bang, nuclei and electrons were at low enough temperatures to coalesce to form atoms. But the universe didn’t start to look like it does today until small perturbations in the matter distribution were able to condense to form the stars and galaxies we know today.

The guys who won the Noble Prize in physics for having discovered a noise that supports the theory of the Big Bang. Also from the Net.

While tuning a small, yet very powerful and highly sensitive horn antenna for conducting radio astronomy experiments, Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson noted a constant low level noise disrupting their reception. Despite their efforts, Penzias and Wilson could not find any evidence of malfunction in their equipment. Further, the static persisted regardless of the direction the antenna was pointing. As they continued their investigation, Penzias and Wilson came to realize that they had stumbled onto the most conclusive evidence to date supporting the Big Bang Theory.

From another website:

The big bang was initially suggested because it explains why distant galaxies are traveling away from us at great speeds. The theory also predicts the existence of cosmic background radiation (the glow left over from the explosion itself). The Big Bang Theory received its strongest confirmation when this radiation was discovered in 1964 by Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson, who later won the Nobel Prize for this discovery.
Although the Big Bang Theory is widely accepted, it probably will never be proved; consequentially, leaving a number of tough, unanswered questions.

I thought this too, but....

Hawking is certainly the most famous physicist in history who has not won the Nobel Prize. This has puzzled people. They automatically assume he has won the Nobel Prize. He has not yet. This is because the Swedish Royal Academy demands that an award-winning discovery must be supported by verifiable experimental or observational evidence. Hawking's work, to date, remains unproved. The mathematics of his theory, however, are certainly beautiful and elegant. Science is just beginning to verify the existence of black holes, let alone verify "Hawking radiation" or any of his more radical theoretical proposals.

Hawking broke out of his depression in Cambridge when he met Jane Wilde. Who agreed to marry him despite his deteriorating condition. They married in July of 1965. Hawking was quoted as saying that "what really made a difference was that I got engaged to a woman named Jane Wilde. This gave me something to live for." They have three children. Later in life, he divorced her for his nurse.

This could never find explanation in theory.

Rising to dreams. Moving in faith

Two postings in one night! Woooo hooo!

To make up for the slack in the last week or two lar....

The Dream Centre. That's what DUMC's new premise is called.

It is a vision God gave Pastor Daniel. It would cost at least RM25 million. We had plans to raise that in three years.

That's been scrapped.

It is a grand vision. Grand only because we human have such narrow views. Hey, maybe for God, it is just a snap of the finger. He is the Creator of the universe...

The Dream Centre would house all DUMC's present activities, ministries, and it will be even more. It will be a community centre for every group of people.

We have signed a sales and purchase agreement. The land in PJ cost RM22.5 million.

Remember that three year plan? It is now three months.

Pastor Daniel made a call. It was really a message from heaven. The church heard (?). Now we have RM11 million in cash and pledges.

Let me say that again. RM11 million.

In three months.

WOW.

I cannot begin to expound on this vision. And the step of faith each one of us in DUMC is taking.

People sold their homes, cars, and give their heirlooms. But the mandate was this: give as much only cheerfully. As God cannot bless what isn't given with a cheerful heart.

I think it is a wonderful principle.

Jason says it is going to be tougher going forward. Those who gave cheerfully, already gave. Those who can give in huge amounts already did. What now?

I have no doubt God can make this happen. It REALLY isn't about raising money. It is about each one of us rising up in faith. And expecting to see God move!!!

Pastor Daniel is right. This could be the once in a lifetime chance to participate in a grand vision from heaven. And SEE GOD MOVE.

A small voice in me asked: are the churches in Malaysia inviting persecution?

That will be the unfolding of another chapter. Don't sit tight. Stand up.

Bringing up father, mother and sister

Have you ever wondered if there is blogger who needs to be prompted to blog?

Well wonder no more.

Sorreeee!!! I will try harder to blog more consistenly (sheepish smile)

My sister should be so blessed. Last night in cellgroup and tonight at our just-revived prayer group, I had my friends pray for her.

For the longest time my sis has been my main source of stress, worry and concern. It sucks to be a 29 year-old parent to an 18 year-old rebellious teen. My parents are oblivious to things sis gets into. I cannot reprimand her. At least not so often. I probably have, like, three times this year? Once by talking, once through email.... ok, make that twice.

I want to think the best of her. I want to trust her. It is tough because her behaviour warrants otherwise.

I don't want to be like my parents. Ever. Scolding, accusing, distrusting, etc. Old school Chinese way of raising kids.

So I tell my parents to let her be. Then I tell sis to behave more responsibly.

It sucks to be in between. It sucks to be the elder sis.

I want to join my brother (who really is the one in the middle) in UK. He is happily oblivious, too. I hope he finds a job soon. A real good paying job so I can bum at his place.

My favourite font now is trebuchet. And the colour purple. Of course, pink is still queen.