Irrational fears

I could be silly but I think I am not wrong. I have weird fears and I scare myself thinking of what if they come true.

Like for example, I fear turning blind. I run the risk of repeating this silly but fearful episode.

Last year I was in Sri Lanka for a house-building project with Habitat. Josie and I shared a room and a double bed in the only motel (us 13 people were the only guests, too) in this remote village at the foothills of the mountains.

Sounds like the beginnings of a scary movie??

So one night the air-conditioning didn’t work and it got warm. I woke up. (Deng deng deng deng….)

It was pitch black. The only time I’ve been in a place so dark and devoid of light completely was in Gua Tempurung, when our guide made us switch off all our torchlights.

Back to my story: I blinked. And blinked again. I moved my hands in front of my face. NOTHING. You cannot even imagine what it is like until you experience it for yourself.

I wasn’t thinking about ghosts. I was thinking that I turned blind.

In unison now: WHAT?? You silly girl!

See, it was my fear exposing itself. I began to want to cry and thought about how I would live my life as a blind person never to see again.

Then Josie stirred and I could feel her sit up.

“Josie…”
“Ya?”
“I can’t see” I my mind I was thinking of how she would need to wake everyone up and get me to the hospital to check if I had really turned blind.

“Ya, the lights all over the village went off. I heard a loud trip earlier.”

“OH.”

Oh, indeed. Irrational fear? Could anyone go to bed perfectly normal and turn blind the when she wakes up?

I have another irrational fear. That I would be paralyzed and have to lie in bed all my life having only my irrational mind as company (can you imagine me having menopause???).

Why am I thinking about all these now?

Because I don’t know how I hurt my neck and now I can only sit up straight as a pole, or lie down as flat as the horizon.

Irrational fear…?