The best case scenario

Sometimes, some things work out that way so that you really get goosebumps knowing and feeling that the Holy Spirit is at work right there, right then. I am talking about mom's surgery and recovery.

The surgery could have been more complicated but it took the path of least resistance.
The hospitalisation could have taken much longer but she recovered a little bit quicker than expected.
The bill was very high but it was much less than anticipated.

In other words- Hallelujah!

One more round to go: biopsy results.

Father, please let the biopsy show that the polyps are just benign ones. Amen.

If there is one thing I don't hope to do often, it is to visit the hospital daily. No matter how posh the place or how friendly the staff.

I hate that the title of my blogs is in green all the time. How do I change that??

Lost- Season II

I think Kate knew about it all along.

John Locke said to that cute doctor whose name I forgot that "There is no Kate". So she was just playing along, bidding time, etc. Until the hatch is found........

You think?

And what's with the illusion of that little boy and the dog?

Matthew Fox is such a hottie.

Here is Love

“What would I be if not a Christian?”
“A non-Christian?”
“I cannot not be a Christian. I wouldn’t know what else to be.”

It is like finding a truth. Knowing a truth. You cannot un-know the truth.
I had this conversation with another Christian friend a couple of weeks ago.

Here is love
Vast as the ocean
Loving-kindness as a flood
When the Prince of Life for ransom
Shed for us His precious blood

Who His love will not remember
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten
Throughout heaven’s eternal days

On the mount of crucifixion
Fountains open deep and wide
Through the floodgates of God’s mercy
Flowed the vast and gracious tide

Grace and love like mighty rivers
Poured incessant from above
Heaven’s peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love

I love words. I love these words. I love this song.

It is a hymn I first learnt in EEC, London. As with many hymns, it was first a poem- of adoration and awe.

On the mount of crucifixion
Fountains open deep and wide
Through the floodgates of God’s mercy
Flowed the vast and gracious tide

Grace and love like mighty rivers
Poured incessant from above
Heaven’s peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love

I wish I could sing this to you. I can’t sing very well. But I want you to hear the reflective melody combined with the soulful words.

Grace and love like mighty rivers
Poured incessant from above
Heaven’s peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love

I love these words.

Incessant.

Kissed. A guilty world. In love. In forgiveness. And reconciliation.

Every time I hear these words I think of my own handicap in loving the unlovable. Each time I am also reminded of how great is the love of Christ, how deeply I am loved, and how I am made to love as he loves.

Like this:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

-Corinthians 13: 1-8a

Economics of life and death

Rudi says I don't blog enough.

One of my clients has a corporate blogger and she said the readership of a blog is positively correlated to the number of postings.

Sum: I need to blog more

Here's a thought: If you absolutely have to stingy with buying insurance and is deciding between life OR medical, choose medical.

Consider this: If you die, you money goes to someone else. It would be someone you love and wanted to be cared for should anything happen to you. Often, parents buy life insurance with their children in mind. Not so wise.

Consider this, too: Your children grow up and make their own living. You grow old and medical expenses escalate faster than the acceleration of the space shuttle Discovery going up the earth's atmosphere. Your children don't need your money and they would rather have you, anyways. But now they have to consider your medical bills that will literally drain away life itself.

Ironies.

Grey colour for grey matters.

Four strikes in a row!

Let it be recorded that on Thursday, 15 Sept 2005, Nicole Yeong broke a personal record at bowling with a score of 159, @ Cosmic Bowl, Mid Valley Megamall, during the Fleishman-Hillard Kuala Lumpur intra-office bowling championship. To the terror and disbelief of her colleagues and self, she scored four strikes in a row in the last three frames, and garnered five strikes with one spare in total, trashing the rest of the contestants by two point seven eight miles.

Why, might you ask, is her total score only 159 despite such sterling performance? The explanation is easy: she guttered the rest.

Why, might you ask again, is the rest so far behind? The explanation is, again, easy: their tummies were aching from laughing at her for the first one and a half games.

Nicole Yeong: "I rock!!!"

Pet Peeves et al (May 21, 2005)

1) Textbook layout idiocies.

I hate it when textbooks do this: give you an explanation of a concept on the right page, which tells you about a diagram that explains the concept - located behind that page!! So that I have to flip the page back and forth. STUPID.

2) Parents asking me what I want to have for dinner just moments after I have my lunch.

At work, I usually only start to think of lunch when my stomach is (or my colleagues’ are) about to growl. That I have to think of what to eat WAY before I have to eat is a MAJOR source of stress. Qualifer: I live to eat, not the other way round. I believe my parents have too much time in their hands- thus the preponderance on gastronomy (made more acute by Chinese lineage).

So I am sitting at my desk learning about lower bounds to European put and call options, being irritated at inconsiderate textbook layouts, and feeling really guilty that I was so curt to my mom when she asked me what I wanted to have for dinner (at 3pm in the afternoon). And I thought I should have just decided on what to eat and then tell her and then get the whole episode out of my mind. It is amazing the many ways parents can make you feel guilty.

I am definitely moving out at the end of the year.

3) Stores not carrying sizes 0-2.

In the midst of being really sick of options and feeling guilty, I started to extend a new daydream (and I only did four pages today *shamefaced* ). After a week’s mental labour, I really don’t want more undertaking that would cause even more fried synapses (actually I am sure this is incorrect as it would mean I am dead).

I would take up lessons on fashion design and tailoring. More specifically, designing and making ladies lingerie. I think the whole male-dominated lingerie design industry has completely overlooked small-sized women.

This is a killing-three-birds-with-one-stone type of dream. See, I would have 1) met a specific consumer need that is presently ignored, 2) created jobs and 3) contributed to depth of the retail industry. And if I make it to yonder markets, lets throw in 4) contribute to the export industry and gain foreign exchange.

My dreams are noble, too.

4) Dying guppies

I never knew they are territorial. I am mourning for over a hundred (formerly beautiful) dead guppies flushed down the toilet. Negative ROI (each male guppy at the store= RM3.50, each female= RM1). Thank goodness I have not started on koi.

5) Chia Hui not wanting to take golf lessons with me (apparently tennis has more hunks) and for going to Qatar just as my exam ends so I am left without a buddy for the rest of the year.

Ok, I really HAVE to finish that chapter on options today!!!! I will be a much happier person on June 6. I promise.

It is a good number

I've set my blog to publish only seven postings at one time. That's a lot of words, knowing how prone I am to verbal diahhrea (I cannot spell this word and I can't even look it up the dictionary because I cannot spell it).

The last six blogs were my only email updates so far, this year. My London updates were a lot funnier, brighter, and more joyous. It was when I discovered living for the present. May post them up later.

Richard Parker beckons.

Of Bangs and Thuds (March 8, 2005)

The year started with a bang. Or maybe a thud. Either ways it was eventful. More than I could ever remember. And if I don't lose this mail after click the send button I would be very happy because it always happens that if I write a long mail, something goes wrong at "send".

Yup, a long mail. Actually, I don't know yet. I got inspired by reading Jon, Lyd and Kat's blogs. You see, I subscribe to them so I don't have to visit their blog sites. Except I subscribe them into my Gmail and I check nicole.yeong@gmail.com ever so sparingly. Anyone wants gmail? I have 10 to give away.

Lyd, I can't see any of your pictures! Is it just me? You make me want to be 20 again. Did your parents ever explained why they read newspapers on your bed?

But back to the start of the year-- there were definitely bangs. Lots of fireworks over CNY. Someone in church (I overheard) said it must be because ppl have more money in 2004 than they did in a long time. I kinda agree. Despite some quarters' gloom and doom outlook, I do feel 2004 had been good to most people. In the economic sense.

It was a thud in some ways. I lost my car. The thieves-- they came, they saw and they drove off. I think I took the whole episode quite cool. I mean, I didn't freak out. My brother discovered the theft at 4 am and I think he took in the shock. We both heard the alarm, but it stopped and he woke up to check. He came into my room and said "Jie, I think your car got stolen. It's not there". We both went downstairs and see a big empty spot in front of my house. Went to the police station and made the report.

Insurance claims is a whole can of worms. It's been three weeks since I submitted my claims, they said it was ok, but no signs of an 'adjuster' yet. Another sign I am being cool (perhaps too cool) is that I have not called MAA to harass them yet. It could also be because I am so busy at work. I have not had a leisurely lunch since I started this new job.

Oh ya, new job. Many of you don't know that yet. I met Colin at Ikea today. I was with three colleagues and Colin asked if they are all from The Edge! FYI, I have "crossed over to the dark side" of public relations.

Work is another reason this year has been more eventful than ever. So many news things happened this year. Never did so many power point presentations in my life, never had to do presentations, period. Until now. And the real PR stuff has not really started yet. I've also decided to join the gym and paint my nails (the former thanks to Chia Hui and the latter to Josie). I think I got addicted to going to the gym. Maybe it is addiction to endorphine. I'm not saying I am super fit, don't get me wrong (but my instructor keeps laughing at me when I say I need to loose flabs). I only go once a week. That's all the time I can afford. I even gave up the steam bath! (Sob)

Why?? Because I have (foolishly?) registered myself last year for the CFA level one. Hmm...I've NEVER done accounts in my life. And I am pretty confused by them right now. Accountants doing financial reporting, HELP!!!!! All weekends and nights go to studying now. Cindy said I need a hobby or a boyfriend. Enough of studying already!

I finished reading this book called The Rule of Four. It was described as the combination of the Da Vinci Code and The Name of the Rose. I didn't read either although I have the latter with me (Jenny, I can't get past the first 100 pages). Jeffrey and my brother have been promoting the Da Vinci Code. Anyways, the Rule of Four wasn't so great. As I read, I keep thinking this is a book about relationships more than it is about deciphering ancient codes. Goes to show that each one gets something different out of one thing. The worst part is that it ends horribly! And I HATE sad endings. I should have checked the ending first. I should have bought the Diary of Adrian Mole Age 13 1/2.

Stories with bad endings-- which Sepet falls under. Probably the best film ever produced by a Malaysian. Although I cannot say I've seen all other Malaysian productions. But really, Sepet is a good show! It compares with other movies in the international screens. I just hate the sad ending. He should have gone to look for her in London. To all in Malaysia :GO WATCH IT. To non Malaysians: Sepet is a Malay word used to describe Chinese eyes. Used derogatorily. But I honestly find guys with small eyes more attractive! The lead actor is pretty cute.

I also watched a Swedish marionnette-play of The Little Prince. It was in Swedish, which was fine by me cos I memorised the story. But, there was this old man doing translation (live) in English and monotone. And they completely butchered the story!!!!! Lost all its essence and all the best parts and put conversations in the wrong settings and asihdwihehsdfhgsfgsddshfhs. Sacrilege! Cheeks fell asleep next to me. Maryann and I could not wait for it to be over. Levine was kind enough not to say anything but he could have been asleep too.

Something to look forward to in the short term: Phuket end of March. YAYAYAYAY! I AM going to SHOP! Supposed to be a trip to spend time with my brother who is leaving in April for UK, for the next two years (or more). I will miss him. I'm such a woose. I keep missing people.

June: CFA + the peak of clients' activities. If I live past June, I will write again.

---

I lived past June at Lyd's request because she was gonna come back to Malaysia for two weeks.

Chasing Korea (June 14, 2005)

I had wanted to start this email in a very happy tone. I guess I am still happy, but some news from a friend made me quite concern for him.... and I only read his messages today, when he posted it on May 25. I had not been able to log into Yahoo Messenger for sometime....

Two revelations hit me within these two days. One happened during sermon in church yesterday, and the other when I replied my friend's message.

Revelation no 1.

There's this very young pastor in church and he is about the cutest pastor, too. Neeways, he was talking about being professional Christians who go through the motion of being a Christian. I am guilty of that intermittently, often-ly (no such word, but you get what I mean). One thing he said which sat in my head since is that we are given emotions so we could feel God. I have actually asked God why do I feel so much and why did he make me so emotional. I mean, I'm such a cry baby!

I cry when I am happy and I cry when I am sad. I cry when I am angry and I cry when I am scared!!!! (Hey that rhymes and sounds like it could be lyrics to a song)

BUT.. what I really wanted to say is: I could channel more of my God given emotions to feeling him and his love so I could love more in return. I could do with that, because honestly, I have been a really self-centered person lately.

Revelation no 2.

I was quite upset at myself for not reading my friend's messages earlier because he had asked me to pray for him. It made me want to go back in time to reverse things (That means I have to sit for the CFA level 1 again!!! But I would do it for you!!). Then I remembered a very profound question someone once asked me in return to my question for him.

When I was much younger, I was in a church youth camp and in that youth camp, I was talking to a 'radical' deacon. There was something I wished I could change back in time for the sake of people I love and I told him that. He told me to pray, but things had passed! Then he asked me this: "Do you think time can stop God?"

I honestly do believe God created all things, including time. Thus he is not bound by time. And if I say a prayer now for something that happened then, God can still work in ways I cannot see and probably could never understand.

I always think that when I go to heaven, I will have SO MANY questions for God. Most of them would start with "WHY????"

Then again, when I get to heaven, I may just forget about my questions.

Why was I so happy?

Well, I had a superbly good Korean meal. Kimchi and kimchi seafood casserole, seafood pancake, and lots and lots of condiments- picked brinjals, spicy fried anchovies, more kimchi, and I-forgot-what-else. There were food for four but just two of us so we were gluttons. My friend tried calling his brother to come join us but he didn't have transportation. Marginal utility declined quite rapidly but I was still happy.

I have been going all around town (literally) looking for Korean chefs to do a Korean culinary demo for a client's in-house event. Went to the "Korean town" in Ampang (which is to me, a different world) and stepped into EVERY Korean restaurant there. No one could understand what I was talking about ( I will NOT survive in Korea). All I had to do, which I did today, was to step into the Korean restaurant next door to my office plaza to find a Korean proprietor who speaks English. He was very, very kind and with hopes, he would have good news for me tomorrow.

I have also been looking for Korean dancers, Korean dance troupes, etc etc. In my wild goose chase, I've met really kind people here and there, and there is definite truth to "If you don't ask, you would never know". I think I will be wearing a Korean costume also-- my boss volunteered me to be emcee for that client's event. Now, if only I could look at good as those Korean babes on TV.

Another reason I was quite happy-- I have 11 new guppy babies!!!!! Yay!!! I wonder what colour they would turn out to be! Mommy guppy has bluish-greenish tail and all my [three] male guppies have red tails. So exciting. I can sit for hours just watching them. Or fractions of an hour until my bum hurts.

Franco, I got your mail some time back. You were superbly funny and I almost had stitches. Did you purposefully try to outdo me? Will write soon, promise!!!

Korean food + Nicole = happy

good night

---

Rudi's reply:

If you're black or if you're white,
If you're fat or if you're lean,
God loves you;
If you're tall or if you're small,
Or if you're in-between,
God loves you;

He cries when you're happy (ok not sure about this - creative license),
He cries when you're sad,
He cries when you're angry
And even when you're scared;

No matter what you look like,
No matter what you do,
God loves you

:-)

---

Rudi is a darling

Off The Edge (June 29, 2005)

Is a once-a-month publication that comes free with The Edge. It's only been in magazine form since a few months back. You can't categorise it. It's really quite "off".

There is also a magazine called Cubes. If a category is needed, then it would be under design. It's about design from fashion to food to buildings to anything. It goes by issue not by month. It goes by themes not by categories.

The emergence of such mags I see as an encouraging sign- maturity of society, liberation of the mind. I hope. The same theme that is running in my mind now.

It is basically hell-week but in the midst of a crisis, I needed some calm to preserve sanity. I picked up this month's Off The Edge and read the cover story- an interview with two old boys and four ex-teachers of MCKK- Malay College Kuala Kangsar.

It has been a long time since I was entranced by something I read. No foreigners in this list- all Malaysians. You should try to get a hold of this issue.

There really was a time, though we cannot imagine it now, when the Malays were progressive and were taught to think. One old boy in the interview said something like this: We were taught in English and we debated in English. Now we cannot read English and so the Internet is all about porn. When in MCKK we used to debate about porn.

There was a time when MCKK invited opposition speakers to the school. One spoke against the NEP in an elite school only for Malay boys. "We invited him," the alumus proudly declared.

"Forget about the NEP. It will never work" exclaimed another old boy. Quite a prominent royalty in business and civil society (even if elite)- Megat Najmuddin Khas.

It got me to thinking how nice it might have been to grow up in those times. In the 60s. Liberation. When people were freer to be who they want to be, or freer to THINK about what they can be. I've never liked sci-fi books but I found myself wishing I could be transported to that era just for a look. I may never return.

The generations which followed have so been molded to think, if at all, within a box, Megat said. And I wonder if it is too late now for Malaysia. The civil service, not politicians, will be the death of the country. Politicians come and go but district heads, department heads build their own empires. He wonders if it is too late now for Malaysia.

We have a National Insitute of Integrity. Why?

Is the Opposite of Doubt Faith?

To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation- The Life of Pi

I had thought that was so profound the first time I read it. And then again.

When I was a little girl, I read endlessly. And I would keep a diary of phrases I picked up from various readings. I remember one about being strong means being afraid but moving on anyway. There were plenty of others I could not remember. Maybe one day I would find that diary again.

Oh; I threw a lot of things our when I left for US. I didn't think I would come back. But in the end I had wanted to. I threw a lot of things out when I left for UK, too. I didn't think I would come back either. And I hadn't want to.

3.14 was right. Doubt does stop you at your tracks.

---

I think I am going to look for all the spam I sent my dear friends when I was in UK and post them here.

Le renard and Rabbit

Extracted and slightly abridged from
The Little Prince
by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

“Good morning,” said the fox.
“Good morning,” the little prince said. “Who are you? You are very pretty”
“I am a fox”
“Come and play with me… I am so terribly sad”
“I cannot play with you. I am not tame”
“Oh! I am sorry,” said the little prince. But after some thought he asked, “What does ‘tame’ mean?”
“It is something too often forgotten. It means to “establish ties’”
“To establish ties?”
“That’s right,” said the fox. “To me, you are still just a little boy like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me, either. To you, I am just a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, we shall need one another. To me, you will be unique. And I shall be unique to you. If you want a friend, tame me!”
“What should I do?” asked the little prince.
“You must be very patient,” replied the fox. “First you will sit down a little distance from me, like that, in the grass. I shall watch you out of the corner of my eye and you will say nothing. Words are a source of misunderstandings. But every day, you can sit a little closer to me…”
The next day the little prince returned.
“You should have come back at the same time,” said the fox. “If for example you come at four o’clock in the afternoon, I shall start feeling happy at three o’clock. As the time passes, I shall feel happier and happier. At four o’clock I shall become agitated and start worrying. I shall discover the price of happiness. But if you come just at anytime, I shall never know when I should prepare my heart to greet you…”

-----

“Did Rabbit come today?”

Everyday for a few weeks, that was the first thing I said to my mom when I got home from work. That is, if I couldn’t see Rabbit in his favourite “den” between the guppy pond and the garden wall.

Sometimes, just for the sake of it, and because I really do want to see Rabbit, I stand at the porch call out to him. “Rabbit!!” And he comes hopping by. Then I dutifully get cabbage and carrot from the fridge. It is true that cabbage and carrot are rabbits’ favourites. Here is my experiment with Rabbit’s diet and the conclusions

Chinese cabbage- yes, especially the leafy parts
Apple- a bit
Orange- surprisingly so
Honey dew- sometimes
Cucumber- doubtful
Water chestnut- No!

Sometimes Rabbit gets greedy and sniffs my fingers, my toes and me, even as I hold out a piece of carrot for him (I’ve determined Rabbit was a “he” because one day he was lying spread-eagle in our front yard).

Rabbit was not our pet. He appeared one day and we all got excited. He hops up and down the road and we suspect he gets fed in other homes, too. His cheeks did get chubbier after a while. He was the resident SS14/3A rabbit.

I’d like to think I was his favourite. He would eat out of my hands and let me put my face two inches away from his. My sister, who was once her school’s zoo monitor and aspired to be a vet, was a little jealous Rabbit didn’t treat her, the same. But Rabbit would never let anyone stroke his lovely white angora.

He loved to sit on our porch and stretch (and he was very long). There he would lay and when there are occasions on the road in front of our house he would sit up, raise his head and keep watch for a while, before going back to his lazy position. Sis said he was like a pet dog, rather.

Sis and dad borrowed a cage from our cousins who used to have pet rabbits. Sis and cousins tried to lure Rabbit into the cage but he always outsmarted them. He hid under my car instead. After a couple of weeks we returned the cage and were content to have Rabbit come by whenever he wishes.

I used to get worried that Rabbit might get into an accident. But I wouldn’t have put him in the cage anyways. He would hate me for it. He probably won’t have sniffed me- which I took to be an expression of affection. I had to leave him to be free and enjoy the excitement of having him come by every night.

---

I really didn’t think boss would let me take leave to go to Redang Island last week. But he did. My colleague, David, was amazed. “How do you do it, Nicole?” A few months ago I took one whole week off to study. David is never able to take leave. I winked and said “Good clients and time management” Ha ha.

I wasn’t too keen on staying at Redang Reef Resort as I had stayed there before. The acoustics of the rooms are very good. You can hear everyone- upstairs and next door. But it is situated right at the end of the beautiful stretch of beach, separated from the others and connected by a stilted walkway. In fact, it has two small beachfronts of its own and you could see schools of colourful fishes just a few feet into the warm blue waters.

Saphie Siew Forti was there on holiday with her mom and her “kakak”. She is the most beautiful, intelligent and friendly five year-old I’ve ever known.

“Why do you put the towel there?”
“So I can lie on it”
“Can I put a towel on it?” (The lazy chairs by the beach under the coconut trees)
“Yes you can”
“I don’t have a towel”
“You can get it from that ko-ko (literally- big brother) at the reception. All you need to do is tell him your room number and you want a blue towel”

She goes and comes back with a blue towel. Arranges it neatly on the lazy chair and manages to move me from my position to help her get the sand out.

She lies down (in imitation of moi) and asked me more questions starting with “why”.

She charmed the whole (small) resort with her tanned rosy cheeks and toothless grins. She blew soap bubbles at everyone who would play with her. She always wanted to sit beside me. She loves to buy things. She bought us ice cream. And soap bubbles in a bottle.

She cut the sole of her foot when she stepped on a piece of washed up coral. So did I. So she had to walk on the beach with her shoes. I didn’t care. Her shoes hurt her feet. So she wore my slippers which were four sizes too big for her. I tried carrying her but she was very heavy.

Steven works in the resort. He was the ko-ko who gave Saphie her blue towel. And me, mine. He got me my life jacket and flippers. He also got me plasters for change, for my foot. Everyday at about six he stops work and takes a swim. I would only go out into the sea during sunset because it gets to hot during the day. He tried showing me where the stingray was hiding and where the eel was peeping out of the coral. But my mask was fogging up and I pretended to see the sting of the ray (but I could see the three baby sharks). He tried to catch a clown fish for Saphie. He said the clown fish is supposed to be the slowest fish. And Chia Hui was trying to catch those white and black striped ones with a Gardenia bag.

He told me about backpacking to see the Borobudur and Angkor Wat. I told him why loved London so much.

Each time I leave the east coast islands, the boat rides were very silent- stark contrast to the lively chatters brought by in-coming boats. I wonder if the boatman notices the difference. Nobody really wants to go back to the “real” world.

We got home about midnight on Saturday. Mom was still up, waiting for sis to come home.

“Did Rabbit come today?”

Silence. “Rabbit passed away”

Sometimes life takes a sudden jolt and makes you ask if you really had enjoyed and appreciated what you have to the fullest.