This is my menses speaking

I got into this disagreement over email with a friend.

At the start of our discord he asked, “Is it that time of the month?” which of course exasperates any female.

Truthfully, we (women) can be rational beings even when we have our menses.

I related my exasperation to CM (praise God she is not having menses) (although she has found a “cure” in her Eu Yan Sang concoction of pak-chen herbal soup). And CM says in fact, we are not quite rational when our hormone levels are going haywire. You mean you my good friend, are not on my side?

I can’t believe that our behavior is dictated by chemistry above the rational mind!!!

But what else could explain my over sensitivity to his [implicit] accusations that I have not been a good enough friend (imagine!!!) to another friend, and explicitly calling me “a little bit disillusioned” because I don't have a long term goal for my life? What else could explain my very sharp and sarcastic words in reply?

Work stress, maybe? No, really, I am in a really stressful period (as in, phase of time).

And it is sooooooooooo sickening that he is right! Aargh!!!! And since he is a doctor it makes his being right even more indisputable! AAAAAARGH!

CM: He said what??
NY: Yes!
CM: (Agrees in silence)
NY: What is worse is that I can't even deny it!
CM: (Bursts out laughing). So you are having your menses!!!
NY: Uh-huh.
CM: Don’t worry, it's the hormones. You can blame it all on them because it really is their fault. In a few days, you will feel very different and the sun will shine again. And you will look back at this and laugh.
NY: Laugh? I would look back and feel so foolish!!! I hate that he is right!
CM: THAT’s what bothering you! Hahahah!
NY: Don’t laugh at me!
CM: Knowing you, you will probably apologise and ask “will you be my friend again?”
NY: Oh shut up!

So Silly-by-default, if you ever happen to read my blog: You win lor!

(This is still my menses speaking).

p/s I do have a long term vision of what I want/ want to be when I am 50. I took the [other] doctor's advice (not you either, Charles) and thought about it. In fact, I have mapped out what I needed to achieve those visions. Hah! I just need to find that paper again...

Like a child

There is tithing and there is offering. My church here in Singapore, Trinity Christian Centre has an additional way of giving called Faith Promises. This is giving on top of tithes and offerings. It is making a promise to give an amount you don’t yet have and do not know if you might have when it is time to fulfill that promise.

In my seat, my eyes grew a little wider and I scribbled “wahliao!” on my course booklet.

The truth is, you actually do KNOW that you would have that amount to give in the end, IF you have the faith that God-can-do-anything-through-me. The question then becomes: How much?

Pastor Lam shared a story about a little girl in children’s church who made a faith promise on year. The little girl wrote on a piece of paper, $10,000 and gave it to her teacher. The teacher approached Pastor Lam, the children pastor then, and asked, “How, ah?” Pastor Lam looked at the paper, was at loss for words for a while, and asked the teacher to check with the little girl if she had meant $10, or $100, or had misplaced the comma, or confused it with the period.

The little girl said, “No! God said ten thousand dollars!” They honoured her faith.

So the $10,000 was imputed into the aggregate church Faith Promise….

A year later it was time to fulfill the promise. The little girl approached Pastor Lam and asked if she remembered her, the girl who promised $10,000? Pastor Lam said, yes, of course.

The little girl said her grandma had recently passed away and bequeathed upon her family $10,000. Her parents had said since she promised that amount by faith, they will fulfill it by giving to the church, for global missions work.

God never shortchanges our faith. We will never lack.

Oh, to have faith like the little girl’s-- God said; it will be done.

Consequences

I had some disappointing news from the professional front today. Not a big deal and has no direct loss on my part, just a could-have-been. But it made me rather sad. Compound that with other things that has been upsetting me (again, professional front, and at higher frequencies), I am more than rather sad.

Consequences. The meaning of a word becomes so much more compelling when the reality that embodies it is manifest. Sorry, I get grandiloquent when I am depressed. Sorry, this is going to be a sad post.

In a message I heard/ read, I learnt this: When we do something wrong, we can be forgiven. We can even erase the memory of the act. But we cannot deny the consequences. Say you lied and someone loses something dear. That someone may forgive you and both your hurts heal but the loss cannot be reversed.

With these thoughts in mind as I was in the MRT, this song came to mind.

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Saviour
I surrender all

I don’t usually take the MRT home but I was meeting CM for dinner. I didn’t think I could get through to her or if she would be free, but I could and she was.

Here is a nice thought: Who are your truest friends? Those you can call on when you are depressed. I am blessed that I have such friends when I need them. God sent CM here to Singapore!!!

Value, what?

Saturday mornings I do volunteer work for the elderly folks ministry tied to my church in Singapore. For the first few weeks, I didn't think I was doing anything, really, and didn't feel that what I was doing was meaningful. I wondered if I should continue.

Something hit me (God), and then I realised it is not about ME!!!!!!! Argh!!!! I keep having to relearn that lesson- how daft can one get?

I didn't feel there was meaning for ME. I didn't feel there was meaning for me because I didn't think setting up tables, serving food, and helping the elderly folk do artwork add any value to their lives. But then I asked myself, what would add value to their lives? Does value-add matter?? Value-add only matters in a material world, in this dog-eat-dog capitalistic world that we are sucked into.

So value schmalue, whatever.

It is strange that once you get the perspective right, what your heart sees, changes.

Last week, I was rolling coloured crepe paper for the folks so that they could glue them together for a collage. As I was rolling the papers, I suddenly realised I was quite happy doing what I was doing. I realised that I was quite happy to wake up early and not sleep-in on Saturday, quite happy to reach McPherson. Quite happy to serve them soup and lunch. Quite happy just to be there. Quite happy.

Today (Saturday morning) I woke up (in Subang Jaya) and wondered what are the folks doing this week.

Value schmalue.

Ring ring Who's there?

Ever wonder why people call themselves when they pick up the phone? At least three of my colleagues sitting on our “aisle” do that. It really tickles me.

I mean, we all have direct lines. If someone calls my direct line, I assume he/she knows it would reach me, directly. I really would not be able to bring myself to pick up my own phone and say, “Hi Nicole.”

I'm a hunter??? I'd be fooled

Our new intern was eager for work but we had nothing we could pass to him immediately. Cleverly my colleague diverted him to do an online quiz…on seduction style!

Well, I did it too. Hunter??? But I’m smokin’ hot, okay….

CH, you should do that ok? Consider it the only time I can repay you for the many quizzes you share with me :)

My bro already posted his up. He is all cuddles but I could tell you that, too.

Yengs

When I was in uni in Iowa, there was an occasion in which I had to spell my name to the lady at the payment counter. My Chinese name, that is. It has three syllables and they all start with Y and end with G.

"Your parents have a good sense of humor," the lady said.

Ha ha. Funny.

Actually, I think my parents had no creativity.

All our "middle" names, mine, bro's and sis' are "Yeng".

Yeng Yeng (Nicole)
Yeng Yee
Yeng Yoke (Denise)

Before my sis and I started using our nama glamor, all our friends from school called us "Yeng". If you call my parents' home and ask for "Yeng" you are likely to get a confused person at the other end.

Anyways, since my brother is the only one without a western name, he probably by default has more "right" to use that ubiquitious (and auspicious, ahem) name. Although since I have double Yeng and I am the firstborn, the first claim to rights are reservedly mine :p

My [not so] little brother has a blog. Second posting already so verbose...guess it runs in the family. Check it out.