staying is not an option

Ping was telling me I really should move to UK.

She goes for a holiday three to four times a year!!! I'm like .... w-w-h-a--a-t??

"And we get one month of paid summer holiday. You get a measly two weeks a year".

She has a BIG point there. And she bought her two houses in Penang for cash from earning pounds. And I am trying to make ends meet with that little 800sq ft minute apartment I carry a loan for.

I don't know where to go.

Over the last weekend in Singapore, I went rollerblading with Josie and friends at the East Coast Park. I fell on my bum, but I still like Singapore. I like it more each time I go there. [So shoot me] [And I can go to heaven immediately but make sure you kill me]

Qiwen lives in Bayshore Park, which overlooks the Park, coastline and the sea! Simon says what's so nice about Singapore coastline? as it is dotted with liners? I don't care. I like the sea, the beach, the coastline, liners and all.

I laid down on my bed after long sessions over the phone. Could I just stay here and not go anywhere? I believe the answer is No. I will always wonder what it would be like to work in another country. I will, at 50, look back and regret not leaving and just taking the risk.

Last week, at Church of Our Saviour in Queenstown, the speaker told of a survey done with people 90 and above. The question was asked what they would have done differently. There were four most frequent answers and one was them was that they would have taken more risks.

I remember the greatest reason why I was so happy in London was because I was solely and completely dependent on God. And He did not fail me. He was faithful. He gave me all I needed. I arrived at London practically knowing nobody. I remember my heart trembling everyday I woke up for the first two weeks. I remember praying "God you go ahead and I will take those steps after you", everynight. And every morning, literally, I would thank Him for every step I take in the streets of London.

But I don't want to be selfish. Am I pursuing a path of selfish ambition? (more about ambition in the next blog).

Pastor Daniel in his message this morning said that "I" is too small a vision. Too small for living. And I TOTALLY agree!!!! Live cannot just be about me! It would be too meaningless. Jesus didn't die just for me.

Would leaving Malaysia be a selfish move? Because I want to?

Josie says I should be happy (I must qualify here that I am NOT unhappy). I said happiness was never promised to us. Our goal in live cannot be the pursuit of happiness. She says an abundant life must consist of happiness.

I shared a recent episode with Ching, and in her reply she says she is glad that I have this joy from the abundant life God has in store for me.

When two persons say the same things in a short span of a week, I tend to pay attention to the message.

Earlier this year, my focus was UK and UK alone. That was before mom's surgery. Afterwards, I just thought about grandma and grandpa. And Singapore seems so much closer to home....

The braces come off next August. I will cross that bridge then.